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whenever people ask me how i am, i always just respond with "tired." it's true. i'm just always freakin tired!! i pull myself in too many ways. i wonder if it's a coping mechanism of mine to just remain hella busy so i don't have to feel alone. my roomie is not often home, i'm single, i'm still working on calling up friends to hang out... but this busy-ness is negatively affecting my body. as much as my mind and spirit are up for everything, my body is just pleading for rest. i take on random things like phone banking, speaking at an angelides campaign, just accepted to serve on the host committee for KRC (korean resource center)'s fundraiser dinner, phone conferences, chaperoning the ucla trick-or-treating event, i can't even think of what else. on top of serving on practically every committee that exists at my school site. additionally, dealing with family stuff. parents found out i got into some scuffle with the law, after opening the letter from the city attorney. my brother and his stuff. i worry, i care, i'm all over. and through this all i ask myself, am i offering my best to my students? or am i shortchanging them? i just know that i, as well as my roommate, need to take some time for ourselves. chill, vegetate, watch friends and heroes. on friday nite i DID go out with a friend to watch yo yo ma, cellist extraordinaire, at the disney concert hall. WOW. a beautiful, relaxing, and fun nite.

what i need is to learn to say no to more work. i also need to figure out, understand, and accept some other stuff happening simultaneously in my own personal life. shit's weird. timing has everything to do with life stuff. but u know, through it all, i can confidently say i'm good. i just miss certain things that i used to have (namely cuddling). =) i'm a cancer, what can i say-- hard shell on the outside, but really i'm a soft mushy mess on the inside.