i have a few responses to ppl's blogs... =) but whether or not they'll ever read them is beyond me...

first of all, phil, stop saying "i don't care" man... it's obvious that u DO care, esp. when u ask for ppl's feedback. shrugging things off with "i don't care" just doesn't cut it. next time, just leave that phrase out, ya hear??
and green, it's not an issue of "friendliness"... how shall i put it? no lemme just be blunt. u don't need to necessarily change yourself, esp. not for other ppl. i don't think that's what they're asking u to do, anyway. basically, just don't be so touchy. u know. like arm around the waist type deal... a lot of girls are not that comfortable with that kinda stuff. well, perhaps i'm speaking for myself. but i have this personal space around me that just protects me, and i'm not very touchy myself. so that's that. =) and stay friendly!
dood, david, u think u'r hot shit huh? talking smack about laser tag... just wait til i stuff your words back into your mouth!! and sorry bout the dolphins... =/ lemme know if u want me find out how to get rid of em... =)
john, that's really not fair that u make me look like a complete idiot on your blogs, mister. >=/ all ppl see is me twitching. that ain't coo, mannnn... that's it. no more twitching for u. i'm not telling u anything anymore! u should blog me saying something normal for a change. like.... well. like.... =/ like....... i'll get back to u on that one. =|
steve, don't bottle stuff up!! if ever u need a big fat ear, u know mah digits, babeeee. =)

hm.
ok i have work tomorrow... oy~ am i really going to be able to wake up in time? heheee. course i will. i must. the students beckon me! heheee.. ok uh. sleepy byeeee~

MY PASSION, MY CALLING, MY PAIN
... =/
so i feel like i'm just being stomped into the ground. why is it that something i hold such a passion for is just kinda brushed aside or invisible to others? people don't see it. people perhaps can't understand it. if only they could hear me talk about it, the way i can't stop smiling inside when i think about teaching, when i think about my students. the time i put into e-mailing and writing letters and chatting with students whose lives have crossed mine. i don't get anything for it. it's not a job, not in the least bit. do i get tired of it? haha... if only i did, then perhaps a day would go by when i don't think about at least ONE of my students...

oftentimes i forget that i have 3 jobs. i only remember because when ppl ask me where i work, i tell them i have 3 jobs. i love TAing for TEP 138... i strongly believe in Preuss School's mission, and i love talking about educational issues with my students, and i love proofreading/ editing papers to improve my students' writing so they can communicate effectively on paper. i love tutoring at Gompers for EAOP (early academic outreach program), the department i've worked from since my very first year in college and every summer thereafter. how strongly i believe in their mission... i get so fired up trying to think of ways to crack through the shell of an unmotivated student, the "trouble-maker" or "punk," or the one left so far behind in math because he doesn't even know basic math. i love tutoring lil dale, who's ADD (attention deficit disorder) poses such a challenge, but forces me to not teach in the dull, bland ways that too many teachers do today. i love how my students welcome me when i see them again, i love how they ask me when i'll be back again. i love the little things that they do for me that make my heart melt, yet they're unaware it. i love how my heart skips a beat when ppl tell me that i'll be a good teacher, a cool teacher, or that i have "teacher writing." =) i love going to the teacher supply store/section and get all excited and envision my future classroom. i love how i get pissed off at the education system today because of so many things being done wrong. i love how i can vent to someone about all this and feel somewhat better about it. =) but it still doesn't change things. i love being posed with the reality of schools today... how there are teachers out there doing students a disservice by passing them on to the following class when they're not even ready. if they're left behind, they leave them behind even further. they don't take the time to make them really understand. that shit pisses me off. we need to teach these students understanding, not just mere concepts and formulas. and we need to do it in a fun, creative way that captures their attention and sparks curiosity. want ideas? i've got so many... and still more to come. we need to get to know these students and find out what makes them tick.. that's the only way to really get through to them. why are we so afraid of touching upon their personal lives? why are we so afraid to cross lines? screw bureaucracy. (and hellooooo charter schools!)

on my wall i have pictures and cards from so many of my students... the elementary school kids' drawings and books, photos from the international foreign exchange students whom i helped with their english, lil dale when i took him snowboarding, a card from my summer middle school students... a whole spectrum of ages from 7 years old to mid-30s. i love them all and still i can't get enough.

what is it, then, that i'm doing wrong? why is it that people can't understand how i feel? sit down and talk to me about education and i'll not shut up. i guess that's why it's not something that i'll talk about with everyone. i won't stop. i have to force myself to stop. i don't really focus on the political, bureucratic aspects of it. i'm more on the micro level than the macro level. i have so many ideas for my future classroom already... so many changes i want to implement... so many more lives i want to intersect with my own.

but i'm afraid. i'm afraid of the fire that might slowly dwindle within me. this passion that i have... what with the course of events occurring around me, it makes me wonder. and i'm not doing so hot in my classes. am i cut out for this? is teaching really my calling? just as for phil, it's something that tears me apart. some days i can just hear my name being announced for National Teacher of the Year (hehe), yet other days i ask myself if this is even what i'm supposed to be doing...

but i also see it in another light. perhaps it's a challenge. everything can't always be cake and icing. i am not supposed to let these things get to me. chin up, janet. =) u will get through this. despite disappointments and "failures" u will walk with head held high knowing that someday u will accomplish your mission... and quite a mission it is. however, i'm sure that it will happen in my lifetime. how can i believe in others' mission when i don't even believe in mine wholeheartedly? steadfast i will stand and all this that i'm allowing to eat up inside me... banish the thoughts! =)

i'm almost glad i didn't get into summerbridge. (ok so i'm lying). but i see it as a small pothole in my rough journey... in no time the road will be re-paved and i'll cruise again. when the road splits, i'll take the road less traveled and continue on with a smile on my face and the passion as my fuel. there is something bigger and better out there. i wanted to take this road labeled "summerbridge", but i guess the road was under construction. i was meant to take another road... and i can't wait to see where that road will take me. i'll utilize my innate sense of direction and, with my mind and heart as my compass, i'll find my way via detours. =)

i've always loved road trips... and this is one journey that i know will not end for a long long time...

i'm usually really observant and careful about spelling things. so i just want to publicly announce that i've completely butchered a certain store's name. please acknowledge that this superb, exquisite store is spelled: Diddy Riese. =) yumyum!

well... another slendiferous weekend ahead of me! =) getting all spiffed up in a skirt again... yeah yeah. won't go so far as slappin on make-up though. and... hm. what else am i going to do? oh i have a study date too... what with midterms coming up and all. *sigh* argh... but GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE ON MIDTERMS! and a great weekend to all~ =)

boo on davy for going to mammoth this weekend. =( *sniff* bastard. and sorry mando and david... i'll have to school yur asses in laser tag (and CS) some other time. i'm sure u won't mind me prolonging your deaths. .. >=)

i sad... =(
did poorly on my quiz, can't wake up for my soc. class, my ankle sux, spending too much moolah$, didn't get accepted into summerbridge.... =( =( =( and lil dale is sick with the flu or food poisoning or something... poor kiddo... *sigh*
i'll be ok... =/ ... =] ... =| ... =/ ...hm. =(

climbing off... my bad, steve. =( no rock climbing this week. i'm such an idiot! i was hurrying down the stairs and i just did something weird and twisted my ankle. yummy fun wheee. =P SUX more like it. i'm semi-limping around and it just ain't fun.

well... i had a good day tutoring at Gompers today! =) i clicked with these two 7th grade "punks" and was able to get through to them. and i got the biggest compliment from them!!! they asked me when i was going to come back. =) wwwaazzzuuupppp... and Israel, the 9th grader who i'm teaching the multiplication table to, we got through his 2's, 3's, AND 4's today! woo hooo!! he'll know the times table in NO time. =)

i had a good section today too! my students actually talked and volunteered and stuff!!! wheeee~ and we just talked about a whole mess of different educational/ tutoring issues. one of my students told me about an experiment he did in high school where he had to somehow package a pringle chip so that it didn't break when being mailed. he couldn't put "fragile" on it or anything. that's kinda cool. i'm almost tempted to try this experiment on my own.... hmmmm...

then i went over to wu's and became a couch potato for hours. watched friends, that 70's show (for the first time! pretty funny!), dawson's creek, and felicity. I KNOW!!! too much. =P ah~ mine eyes!!! O_O

i am SOOO freakin addicted to boba it's not even funny. i wonder how much a boba machine costs.... =/ hmmm... heheeee!! yum yum bobaaaaaa =)~~~

wheeeee! =) i guess i'm doing a good job utilizing my blogs... haha:
[wu]: ur life seems so interesting
doRkYjaNeT: does it really???
[wu]: gheesh.. if i had to write stuff on there i dunno what i would write
[wu]: went to work
[wu]: came home and played games
[wu]: ohoh.. wait today my stupid hyperwhite headlight went out

hehehee!!! now i'm starting to post segments of conversations on here. damn u john. it's ok now i can make others sound like a freak. >=) to downplay what a freak i really am... =X oops.

oh wow LOOKIE!!! so many interesting things to talk about during the wee hours of the nite...
[beza]: hey janet...you wanna run for APSA office?
[beza]: do outreach coordinator...that is screaming your name
[beza]: it's perfect for you
[beza]: you'd bring so many new things to it
...
doRkYjaNeT: shit where do i sign up

hehehee.... =) =) =) damnit i want to use that smiley teethy AIM face. well, my friend dave (beza) sure is good at suckering me in. i applaud him on a job well done.

eerie. it is now 1:45 am and the last lines of 3 of my IM windows are, and have been, as follows:
"hehe" "lol" and "laugh"... and they won't change. could things be any weirder?

another awesome weekend... =) so much has happened and the week JUST started! wowwie.. where to start... doo doo doo...

MY WEEKEND
had another sooper weekend with jason! =) let's see... first he locked his keys in his car and had to jimmy his door, yet he somehow remembered to grab his tire gauge for my tires. hahahaaa... anyway. then i got my butt whooped at the batting cages. =( then dinner at ruby's, and a nice stroll and bench warming at balboa island... the next day was wayzgoose at uci, and we had an unsuccessful kite run at aldrich park. =P but the frisbees were fun! =) and my coconut was yummy~
then off to the wedding! what a beautiful wedding and a purty bride... =) afterwards we kicked it with his old friends and i actually tried a DIFFERENT FLAVOR BOBA! =O yes yes, monumental i know... the next day we went to the getty and had a relaxing afternoon... =)

INTERESTING DAY
i started tutoring at Gompers Seconday today... *sigh* we need teachers who have a passion for teaching. get rid of the teachers who think of teaching as a job. it's not a job, neither is tutoring. often times i forget i get paid for what i do, and i'm not saying this to glorify myself. if u don't want to be there, don't be. go do something else. don't extend your unmotivated vibe down to the students. that's the last thing they need. ok i'm ok.. i'm ok. =) happy thoughts. =) =) =) well, at least i connected with several students today... i'm looking forward to the challenge of catching these students up to the level of their classmates... =) it shall be done!!

i took lil dale to the library and to la jolla park again! wheee~ obstacle course/ jungle gym thingie ma bobber, tag, basketball... he's a lil cheater! figures... MEN. >=/ hehe... but yeah i had fun, and i still think i'm getting old. =P can't run around the way i used to. gosh listen to me. actually... no, it was cuz i wasn't wearing my sneakers. i have a boiling suspicion that dale's going to want me to take him to the park again tomorrow... the neat thing was that he told me that all his 4th gr. classmates think he has a cool tutor because i take him to the park, snowboarding, bowling, and i explain things to him in "fun" ways... how could i suppress a huge smile? and not only that, but he watches out for me. he thought i was going to cross the street right when this big ol SUV was going by, and on impulse he stuck his arm out to hold me back. WOW. =) just... WOW... plus he still remembers that i collect state quarters and he saved more for me!! *sigh* some kid.... i have no doubts that he'll turn into quite a young man...

i had dinner with my bros kentaro and dave (wu)... they're such bastards! i can't have a normal dinner with more than one of them, else they gang up on me. u punks. see if i'm ever sisterly to u ever again!!! ... =/ .... <=)

ok so i'm a freak. i cried because of a water bottle cap. yes don't ask. i like to leave ppl confused i think it's kinda fun. it's ok, so long as i know what i'm talking about. =) and whomever else... hehe. CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeee~

i'm back. yes i'm a sick sick person. i just read several ppl's blogs and realized how engrossed i am in my own life right now. =| hm... aw DOOD. i haven't even called my mommy in a while either. UHhh. JANET!!! wakey wakey!

shout outs to fellow bloggers:
baker get your blogs started damn u.
phil thanx for your two cents on why sociology is a real major. u ppl should read it. =)
reggie your pictures are not there man.
jasmine i'm glad u utilize writing as an outlet for your emotions. =)
green hope the week treats u well. stay upbeat! =)
david, whom i must cook a freakin dinner for. grrrr... no i'm not bitter. =)
john i hope everything's going well for u! chin up! =)
steve awesome weekend? awesome weekend ON!

I'm PERFORMING!! yayyy!!! Cinco De Mayo is the RISE Conference @ UCSD. thank you, chris, for asking me to perform! i'm opening act at noon, so i'm told. wheeeee~!!! =) oh yeah, what am i performing? Korean traditional folk dancing: the 3-drum dance. i hope i'm not too old to do it anymore.. =P hehe. come watch, pplz! i'll make it look good, i promise (er.. i'll try)! ok... yay! =) *clap*

*sigh* it's not a good thing if u'r not concentrating while driving. not being able to concentrate in class is one thing, but driving? =/ i am NOT doing well in my classes.. =P well i can't say that yet. ok i'm going to read and study and be a good student from now on.. . =/

so steve and i went to shoot pool today... and a very nice pool hall it was. and....hehheheee. sorry man. i have to do it. i 7-balled him!!! aahhh!!! sunk the 8, counted the number of balls he had on the table again and again.. .and yup. confirmed. i did it... again. the first time i ever did it was with my other friend steve. hehee.. COOL HUH. man. watch out all u steves out there. >=) but he definitely put up a good challenge! workin it...

i forgot to mention! i took lil dale to the park on tuesday for over 2 hours. played b-ball, baseball, obstacle course, swings, almost everything the park had to offer. oh my gosh i am not a little kid anymore. i can't run around doing everything forever anymore. the park in la jolla... my goodness. those spoiled kids. but i really did have an awesome time.. =) and when i came to tutor him today, he grabbed on to my legs saying "janet's here!" then he got all excited telling me he saved me a quarter that had something different on it. he knew i liked to collect state quarters, and he had saved it just for me!... things that make u go =) anyone know how many state quarters are out as of now? i have 10. do i have most of them?

remember the scene in american beauty where the dood films a paper bag.. shit. a plastic bag for a long ass time? (i know i could have just erased paper bag, but damnit. it's funny cuz now i have it documented. ok nevermind don't ask) anyway, i think that dood could have sat there for hours staring at that plastic bag... i kid u not. i couldn't understand how he could just be so entranced by it for so long. how could anyone just stare at something for so long? i couldn't imagine before, but now i know. =) it's do-able..

so i get to attend my very first wedding EVER! it's one of jason's friends, and it just so happens to be a korean one too. =) i'm so eager beaver this is cool. what to wear... what to wear... i just hope i don't get embarrassed in case someone objects to their matrimony. hehhehehee!!! =) can't wait for the weekend!!! i'd like to blog what i'll be doing, but i've no idea. whatever i'll be doing i know i'll thoroughly enjoy it. so... on that note: everyone just have an awesome awesome weekend! =) wheeeee~

=) =) =)
have u ever tried to describe a color to someone, but that color was so unique that no matter what words u used or how u tried to phrase it, u still couldn't really describe that color? "it's a blue-ish, navy, greenish, greyish, purplish teal color..." yeahhh. don't listen to me. =P

have i gone crazy? i feel like i have, yet everything still seems to make sense in my own lil world. =) time is a strange concept... so fast yet so slow. sometimes too slow... is time even real? who's to say that time even exists? did we just invent it to convince ourselves that life moves at a steady pace? is time really that clear-cut and perfect? oh my, delirium has it me real good this time. iSLeep.

i was going to go to sleep earlier so that tomorrow would come earlier... but uh. yeah. it's kinda late. it's ok =) i'll be up and about tomorrow... wheeee~ someone hit me upside the head. ever feel like your life was like that of a movie plot? am i talking crazy? it's ok i've come to terms with my confooziness.

ever tell stories just for fun? we're always encouraged to do it when we're younger, but no one ever does it anymore when we're older. i think comic strip writers/artists have it good. =) they know what's up. why can't ppl be more in tune with their inner kid? why do we forget innocence? er, rather, lose innocence. well that's inevitable. but innocence is such a blissful thing. ignorance is different. are u following this? yeah well neither am i. =) i haven't been making a lot of sense lately... =P ok this is me going to bed now... *zzZzZZzzZz...*

=( me no like doing taxes. too much work for janet's simple head... =P boooooo~

=) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

what an awesome weekend. =) one that i'll not soon forget... i wanna say that i hope everyone else had a weekend as sooper as mine, but i don't think that's even possible. =)

whoever said that friday the 13th was cursed?

ever just sit or lie there and literally laugh out loud at yourself? hm =/ seems to happen to me often. but anyway, yes i did that last nite while trying to fall asleep. i'm such a dork! =P i laughed out loud to myself, and then i laughed at myself for laughing at myself. never-ending cycle, i tell ya. anyhoo~ now that i think about it, the thing that i laughed at myself for wasn't even that funny. dood. i really am weird...

no matter though! =) i've got a spiffy weekend planned ahead of me! and next weekend i might be able to use my free snow summit ticket FINALLY! wheeeee~ but that hasn't been finalized yet. in the meantime, i'll just glory in the wonderful euphoria of boarding at mammoth! =)~ oh sorry that was my drool.

haHAhAHAha~!!! baker started blogging toooo!!! this is cool. john's infected all his friends, and i've infected ucsd apsa... starting with david. hehheeeee.. >=)

neato burrito.

*tWiTcH tWiTcH* withdrawal symptoms from being unable to blog yesterday.... =P oh my GOSH. thanx to john for making me look like a complete FREAK on his blog!!! =O

CLIMBING (...climb on!)
i had such an awesome climb yesterday!! =) wooo hooo! steve brought his best friend jonathan along, so they partnered up for the evening, and davy bailed on me, so i was left partner-less. he said he'd make it up to me, so he'd better! but really, it all turned out ok! i started bouldering that evening, and i loved it so much! i completed the easiet level route around the gym going both ways. =) yay janet! i can't believe how much strategy u have to put into it... but i'm so excited to try it again next week!! and my hands are beginning to get rougher and tougher so i should be climbing better in no time, eh? =) wheeee~

BOWLING
well, since lil dale is on spring break, i told him i'd take him out this week. so tonite was the nite! after taking over an hour to get to his house (usually takes 15 min.) i picked him up, along with his older bro ivan and his best friend julian. then i swung by david's place and we all headed over for some carl's jr. then the bowling challenge! david and i bet a home-cooked dinner on the last game. well.. it was very close. i got spares 8 times, but freakin david got a million strikes. now that's a lotta strikes. the end tally? well, i got a 30 pt. handicap, i should mention that, huh? it was a close game until the end. i got a 136, and he got 171. OUCH. =P how's that for humbling? BUT!!
(david): i would have cried if I would have lost
(david): i honestly was VERY scared
woo hooo!!! so at least i gave him a good scare. =) *ROAR!!!!* lil dale finally broke 60! he was so happy!! and he got in a few spares too. not too shabby for a 10-yr-old, eh? =) yayyyyy! (wuh oh, now david's challenging me in laser tag... shiet's goin DOWN now...)

ok other than that... uh. i've been a very bad girl. =( i missed all my classes today. i know i know.... =P but i've good news!! my cough is finally going away! slowly but surely =) well i have a big weekend ahead of me! can't wait can't wait... everyone have an awesome weekend! HELLOOoOoOoOooo~ MAMMOTH!!! =) =) =)

GIRL SEEKING HELP
can blogging be considered a hobby? if not, i just made it one.

I NEED TO STUDY!!! i sit there in class and am totally lost, and it's only 2nd week. not only that, but i can't friggin concentrate. =/ *sigh*

=)
ever have one of those days when you're just like... "*sigh* things are good"? just driving in your car listening to a random ass station that's playing repulsively peppy music, and you're just like... "hey, i kinda like this music"? and everyone else seems to have sticks up their @$$es? hehe. then there are those days when u'r just like pissed off at the world (haven't had one of those in a while)... or utterly depressed for seemingly no reason (comes back to haunt me every now and then). life is weird. =/ but anyhoo~ doo doo doo...

i just realized how long it's been since i last saw the wG crew. hehe... law, little, huang, choy... i miss u guys and hope to see u soon! thanx for entertaining me with your songs, little. keep at em, u artist-at-heart. =) don't ever quell your imagination. anyone else going to law's film screening? maybe i can swing by irvine and SLO and pick u guys up, eh? make it a road trip? hmmm...

mikey and i decided to conduct a little experiment yesterday. what will happen to an egg if it's put in a freezer for 24 hours? i hypothesized that it will crack. mikey says that it will turn into a sunny-side up with shells in it. so just to make sure, in case he was correct, we put the egg on a plate. update? well, nothing happened to it. i told him to crack it open, but he said i'll have to wait til i'm there so we can find out together. >=/ i'm so curious!!

well look at the time... i guess i'm not going to the APSA gbm. =P free ice cream too! ah wellz~

everyone! i'm applying for PAL Summerbridge!!! wish me luck! =) wheeeeeeee~

i forgot to mention, makoto made it safely back to japan all in once piece! i will miss him dearly... i think i already said that. i was telling mikey how i'm glad that i didn't get the RA position, cuz then i'd be passing up my chance to live with my brothers for this final upcoming year. =) and most of them will be sticking around for a fifth year (SOOPER seniors!!!), so perhaps i'll stay in sd for my credentials/master's? hmmm... is this interesting? i don't care! it's my blogs! i love my friends damnit. in fact:

COMFORT ZONE
during times of emotional turmoil
when you just need to get away from where you are
when you need a bit of advice
when you wish you didn't follow the advice
when you need a reason to study
when you need a reason not to study
when you've lost your love
when you've found another
when you don't want to go alone
when you don't want to be alone
i turn to you, and find in you,
my comfort zone.
--- dec. 2000

to my friends who inspire me and i will always cherish. =) u guys mean so much to me, and u know i will be there when u call. =) this is all really quite sappy, huh? it's the damn music i've been listening to lately. >=/

i think i'm going to pee in my pants! mammoth got lots of sexy snow!!! woo hoooo~ i'm so excited about this weekend... =) and safe drive to john tomorrow on his trip to mtn. high! bust out a 180 and be sure to lemme know how it goes! =)

well this morning i woke up at an ungodly hour to drive my friend to school. literally rolled out of bed, put on my shoes and picked him up, dropped him off, came back and went back to sleep. then i really got up a little after noon. got a bloody nose, coughed up blood, and got scared. then i felt better! =) but i made a promise to go see student health today, so i did. all i got was cough syrup to suppress my coughing, but i hope it helps. before that i went to two body shops to get estimates for my bumper from the rear-end collision last week. i can't believe it costs so much just to repair a cosmetic damage! just under $500.... oh well. i'm not paying for it. =)

i feel like i have nothing to do today. i should study, huh? but it's only second week. hm...

today was an amazingly beautiful day~ u know, when it rains but the sun is shining and the clouds look awesome? listening to sarah brightman, just driving around, about to swerve into other cars because i'm staring at the sky. i do that a lot. try to look at the stars, full moon, clouds... i should perhaps be more careful? too bad i'm always having to go somewhere. =/ oh well. beautiful day nonetheless! =)

SECOND WEEK
men! always leaving toilet seats up!!! grrrr... everytime i go into my bathroom i have to put the darned thing down. booooo!!! =P

i miss performing. =/ random thought? not really. i went to Fusion 2001 tonite with steve. there were some pretty awesome routines, but i was sitting on bleachers and my back was killing me. =P oy~ but anyhoo. in high school i used to have some sort of performance almost every week, whether it be a Flag competition, orchestra concert, or Korean Folk Dance performance. now i do diddly squat. watching the people perform today... it really made me miss it. =( but it's ok! cuz i'm performing for ucsd apsa's grad banquet! yay! may... 26th i believe? woo hooo!! i get to bust out my drums wheee~

*cough cough* this better not be serious. i'm starting to get worried. haha.. "starting to" after over a month of this. well i really do think i'm getting better. =) don't anyone else get sick!!

am i insane?? i think so. last nite i went to bed hella late too. what is my problem? dale says that's why i'm not getting better. hmmm... in any case. things look good. =) i'm glad dale and i are able to still talk like normal human beings... for the most part. gives me hope! friendship still able to be salvaged. =) and i didn't think i could be this lucky~ =) yay~

hmmm.. look what i found:
"Of course, today's media and pop culture project the image of the independent, strong woman, who doesn't even need a man (Oprah, Madonna, you know who you are). Maybe that's why women want to keep that part of classic times and chivalry alive. They want to feel pursued, they want to be admired, and they want to be showered with rose petals… okay, that's pushing it." - H. Muller.
i can relate to that! so for those of u wondering why some girls just don't do or say anything to guys, this explains a lot of it. more food for thought! i sound so peppy at this hour. i'm scaring myself. to sleep i shall venture... i wonder when i'll get up. any wagers?

laser tag wheee~!!! our team won! i didn't do so great, but not shabby either. =) Go Red Team: Dave, Lily, Kev, Shin, Jason C., and Azusa! =) all day today i was such a bum. just slept and.. slept. not feelin too hot. =P but im' getting better! i know this because i keep hockin up stuff and having to spit it out. HEHEHEEE... sorry.

i've decided i'd much rather prefer to be a boy than a girl. *nod* but i usually only decide this about once a month. actually when i was younger i always wanted one of those names that could be shortened to be a boy's name. u know, alexandra = alex, joanna = jo, etc. or even a name like donna jo = D.J. yeahhh~ but oh well. janet i will always be. but a janet lee? u know what i've decided. i'm not completely set on this, but it's sumthin that i thought about doing a while ago. if i end up marrying a korean guy, i'll take my hubby's last name. but if he's not korean, i think i shall hyphenate it. like.. janet lee-lastname. that'd be neat. being korean is so much a part of my identity i don't think i could just drop it. but then again i'd still have my middle name. hm. curious.

"heart don't fail me now,
courage don't desert me,
don't turn back now that we're here,
people always say
life is full of choices,
no one ever mentions fear..."
- journey to the past, anastasia

i went to my very first NHL hockey game yesterday nite!!! =) mighty ducks vs. coyotes 2-5. it's an experience i'll not soon forget. it's breath-taking to actually be there as opposed to watching it on tv. i'd like this game to not be my last one. =) so thank you to jason for inviting me, and letting me take home a tainted souvenir! after the game we went to go pick up my good friend dave's girlfriend, lily, from UCLA. of course no trip to westwood is complete without a visit to DeeDee Reese! =) *yum!* on our way down to sd, lily and i got the shiznit scared out of us when something hit my windshield while on the fwy. it cracked my windshield a little and moved my wiper blade up, so now it won't go down all the way. =/ in addition to that these two guys in a big ol pick-up kept high-beaming us to pull over. well i eventually did. just our luck i got off an exit with no streets and just dirt all around us. i told lily to have the fone ready just in case. fortunately the guys turned out to be normal and actually pretty cool. so i got their digits and we decided to hook up some time. HAHAHA.. yeah right. anyway, apparently the thing that hit my car also hit their car and took out one of their headlights. after inspecting our cars we just went on our way. FREAKY DEAKY STUFF though... woke me up real good. i think it's an omen. never drive again when i'm sleepy. =/

ok now i am going to put on my philosophical hat. i think many of us fear inadequacy. well, i guess i can't say that. i'm just speaking for myself. but it's a big fear. i think i fear death because of the fear of being forgotten. would i rather be forgotten or hatefully remembered? i would have to say the latter. but going back to inadequacy... hm. well i don't know what i can say about it. i'm afraid of being inadequate? ok i need to organize my thoughts.

why i choose to write some things in my blogs and other things in my personal journal is a mystery. well, no not really. i like to throw out food for thought, and it helps knowing that there is an audience, whether it be just one person, a handful, or countless people. writing is such a powerful outlet and i think everyone should keep a journal (or two)! =) that's my two cents.

=( and =)
i'm one confoozing chiquita banana. i wonder if this site will still work 10 years from now. if not i'd like to print all this stuff out one day. mine eyes!!! how heavy they are! to sleep i go... what little i'll get. must stay awake in classes! i'm feeling delirium overcoming me. i just asked david tran what i thought was meant to be two different questions: "when do u need it by?" and "by what time?" .. ok u know what. that can be different. ooOoOh~ i'm swaying. hahhaha!! whoa. ok i'm just going to go over to la la land now... heheee. silly billy...heeeee~!!!!!!! .. =| the keys are moving it's hard to type. this looks right. i'm done.

i've been out of the game for so long, this all seems foreign to me... blogging? ok so here's my update! CANADA was awesome!!! we all had so much fun~ all 11 of us in a caravan of 3 sedans. yup~ and it wasn't too difficult to keep track of one another since we all had walkie-talkies. =) we visited crater lake in oregon, seattle, port angeles, victoria island, and most of our time was spent in vancouver. unfortunately, no whistler =( it's all good though... because HERE I COME MAMMOTH!!! if any of you want to watch my "film" of our road trip, i'm going to make a cut version of it so that u don't have to sit through all freakin 4 hours of it! hehe... and hayley hayley hayley... my bestest dearest friend. this was an awesome week and thank you so much for being there. =) have fun with cactus boy! and soon, my friend, my brother makoto will be back to japan. i'll miss him dearly and will look forward to being roomies with him next year! =) time to go house-hunting! a 4-bdrm in la jolla? how likely is that?

well it's the start of a new quarter! i must begin in the same manner i always start a quarter: i'm going to study this quarter! no procrastinating! i'm really going to crack down this time! ok there i did it. and of course as too many of us know, we all know what inevitably happens. =P but it's all good! my ethnic images on film class is going to be a good class, i could tell from the first day. and i'm taking a korean lit & culture class to get in touch with my roots! =) my 3rd class is sociology: american news media. it sounded it interesting, but from the first day of class i really don't know what to make of it anymore. oh wellz. and i will be TAing yet again, so that's sorta like my 4th class. hehe. and YES!! I HAVE A 4 DAY WEEKEND THIS QUARTER!!! this is monumental.. =)

so i went rock climbing yesterday with my partner steve! and, well, that last course? didn't happen. perhaps it has sumthin to do with not having gone in 3 weeks, and eating out 3 times a day for a week. i gained some pounds! in a span of a week... amazing. i should stop pigging out, esp. since it's tough on my poor wallet...i've been eating too well. =P oh, but congrats to steve who had a good climb! yay~

*cough* yes, still with me. apparently my lungs are randomly spasming due to environmental factors.. second hand smoke, pollution, cold weather, what have u. i'm a mess, in any case. so i went back to student health and they prescribed me an inhaler. seems to help somewhat! =)

oh yeah, and some lady rear-ended me yesterday morning on the way to school. it totally shook me up and was NOT good for my back. my poor car =( the lady all acting like i was wasting her time and she was trying to convince me that the only thing that happened was that her white paint rubbed off on my bumper. WHATEVERZ! it's all scratched up, i have imprints of her bolts in my bumper, and a small chunk of my bumper is missing. lovely. what did she expect me to say? oh ok, don't worry about it just carry on. *hmph* my baby~ don't worry u will soon be fixed... i'll treat u to a nice bath! =)

well i suppose that's about it. this was a lot to catch up on. if u've read this much then u are indeed a loyal friend =) again, i will remind myself to try to keep this interesting, but i'm doing it for myself too, so if it gets really weird and vague and boring, no one's making u read it! otherwise, enjoy! and i will do my best to update it as oftenly as possible (yes, oftenly. got a problem?) wishing u all a prosperous quarter/semester/3 months of work!!!... =) *ROAR* ;)