some people have advised me to start up blogging again. i've only stopped for about 4 months. there are years of memories on this blogger. crazy. maybe i should read back on them and remember how i used to be. i haven't been well. i haven't been myself. i konw myself to be a stronger, independent, driven person. i feel like i don't know that person anymore. i want the sadness to go away. it's tiring being sad...

on an opposite note, my best friend from high school just had her wedding last week. i went up north to the bay area last weekend. unfortunately i became very ill the day before. i actually took that friday off for illness. that was the first time i've done that in my teaching career. i flew to oakland, which was good because i was considering driving. i was in no condition to drive. got picked up by one of the bridesmaids, then picked up by another wedding friend to head into SF. met up at the groom's house, had dinner adn got ready for manicure/pedicure stuff, but becuase i was so ill i just slept while the others went. then we went to the rehearsal, during which i was afraid that the next day i'd be coughing and sneezing during the actual ceremony (but i made it ok!). it was rainy that friday, as we headed to a chinese restaurant for a banquet meal. 12 course meal or something. too bad i was so sick! i coudln't eat much. the next day it was sunny with clear skies! hayley is a lucky girl. she had just that window, because the next day was rainy again. the wedding went smoothly, perfectly. the reception was wonderfully coordinated and great, with beautiful facilities, great speeches, good company. =) and i wore the pink dress and some make-up! congrats to the new husband and wife! now i have 2 more weddings to attend.. but the problem is i'm dateless to them. great timing...

that night i crashed at a bridesmaid's house and had breakfast the next day. then my UCLA friend from back in the day picked me up and showed me around east oakland. the sights were great. then i saw his place, took a nap, then ate in chinatown. it's so nice to see old faces, especially during these times. he graciously took me to foster city (we overpassed it and ended up driving all the way around the bay) and dropped me off at mayrin's. she's another old friend/roomie from SD/LA. i hung out with them, and then the next day we hung out in san jose with some old school APSA folks, nina s. and barbara choi. =) had good thai food and caught up. then my old SD buddy/roomie picked me up and we hung out at his pad. i felt bad for being sick and not so energetic, but my friends were all very wonderful. i miss them. it's funny how i got passed around from friend to friend so much. even heading back to LA, my UCLA teacher buddy picked me up and we drove down together. it was a good weekend filled with love and friends. well-needed...

and of course, then next day i was sad and mopey. thursday we went boarding in big bear, borrowed a friend's cabin and when with a handful of teacherly friends. it was good to get away, but i was still thinking of sadness. =/ friday was a terrible day of sulking. i think being sick just gave me more of an excuse to not do anything with myself. not a good thing. saturday i was able to hang out with some friends. this morning i really looked forward to soccer and had a great time. although.. my coughing was difficult to deal with because it impeded my breathing. still got in a goal! leftie, too.

i don't feel up to going back to work, but i know it'll be good for me to be busy again. i started up korean drumming again. i havne't done that in over 10 years. well, i've done the 3-drum dance, but the hourglass drum i haven't done. i'll be playing in the upcoming rally/protest for may 1 (international workers day)! yay. i'm also starting to feel the itch to go back to school. i almost regret not applying for this upcoming fall. that would be something new and exciting to look forward to. i think i'll apply for next year for sure. we'll see... all these ponderings. are they interesting? well. if anyone is still reading this, i'm gonna say help! i need my friends around me more now than i did before. =/ looking for more support...