i'm back at my apartment, trying desperately to be productive. i have no idea where this weekend has gone. all i did was... eat. sleep. watch a movie. hung out with a couple friends. saw family. yep... tha's about it. i need to kick myself in the butt. only TWO MORE WEEKS, though. c'mon janet, u can do it. just two weeks, then i get to see my beloved SD friends for two getaway weekends... how i miss our trips. =) it's scary though, to see that we are slowly growing older. a bunch of us have jobs now, so we have to work around our work schedules. this is my last year as just a student. next year, i'm going to have a class full of students who i can't just skip out on to go boarding (damnit!). but such are the realities of growing older: MORE responsibilities.

sooo... anyone have leftover turkey they want to share with a turkey-deprived girl?
is one not allowed to vent without being interrogated?
if i just dream that all my work is done, when i wake up will it be finished?

i am thankful for... washing machines and dryers. they're like magic! u throw in your clothes (i had 3 loads this weekend), toss in some detergent, push a one or two button, and *voila*! clean clothes, but wet. throw them into the dryer, and *wow*! ready to wear in a matter of hours! imagine washing each item by hand and hang drying them all day. what if it's a rainy day? what if birds poop on your almost-dry clothes? thank goodness for washers and dryers. =)

oh yeah, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING! =) eat lots, everyone! don't count calories! that's not how life was meant to be. enjoy what you eat. =) and enjoy spending time with loved ones!

this may sound terribly cliche, but today i am truly thankful for the beloved friends and family that i have in my life. they are constant blessings in my life, and i do not take them for granted. they are there to pick me up, to share laughter with, to learn and grow with, to listen and talk with, and just to be with. thank u to everyone who is a positive contribution to my life, and who i know will continue to be! =)

WARNING: The following entry in uncharacteristic of dorkyjanet's dorky ways. continue at your own risk...

it is not often that i can get angry
it takes quite a bit to get me angry
sure i get irked, or bothered
and when i say i'm pissed off, sometimes i mean it
but often i really don't

i have come to find that when i am truly angry about something, i don't necessarily spill everything onto others (well, save for the one or two select few, who know who they are). actually, i should be careful with my choice of words. i am not angry. that is not the word. i can't think of the correct word, though. at any rate, it's this feeling of wanting to seriously curse someone out, or writing a really mean-spirited letter. there happens to be some shit that i do get tired of. really, i do.

if there's one thing that i can't stand, it's the "u figure out what's wrong with me" approach. scenario: let's say i have this roommate who one nite, as i'm chatting away on AIM, slams the door. s/he gives me the cold shoulder the rest of the nite through the next day. i figure if s/he needs to say something, it will be said when and if necessary. then, i find out the next day that s/he had a midterm and was pissed that i was playing my music loud. uhhh.. why didn't s/he just come over and tell me then? i would just have easily turned my music down, no prob. classic case of miscommunication.. or lack of, rather. luckily this type of case has never happened to me. i've had such lovely roomies =) but at any rate, i know when i was younger i used to be like this. act all sad and quiet and whatnot, expecting the other person to give in and ask "oh, is something wrong? tell me what's bothering you?" it must have been damn annoying to them. well, i've grown and learned, as always. i don't like it, so i don't expect other people to, either. if something's wrong, i'll wait til the other person is ready to come out and speak. in the meantime, i'll just hang tight.

which leads me to another point. if u expect others to follow a certain set of principles, mustn't you also follow them yourself? am i talking crazy here? granted that we are all hypocritical in our own ways to different degrees, do multiple wrongs make a right?

furthermore, i cannot stand it when people make subtle implications that i'm supposed to either pretend to ignore or pretend to pick up on. in particular, i'm talking about when people, let's say, say something publicly and i'm supposed to pretend i don't know it's in reference to me. give me a muther f'n break. (and i'm going to have to call myself on this one)

i hate it when people bring in outsiders who are not involved in a situation, yet somehow they are pulled into the situation. where did they come from? how did they suddenly become involved? how the hell does it make the situation any better? and if those outsiders are used to try to get something out of me, that's just low. so very high school (no offense to my high school students!) and trying to get info out via my friends? i beg of you.. just. no. talk about perpetuation...

ooh and i can't STAND when people say one thing, but mean another. WHY!??! why complicate life in such ways?? why intentionally create more bullshit to work around? if u don't mean it, just DOn'T say it. just don't. simple, yes?

and i don't like it when people make assumptions. i don't like it when people pretend to know what's going on with me, or to know what i'm thinking. do not assume. don't pretend to know.. because u don't.

which reminds me of another thing that pisses the shit out of me (please excuse my language). i get very very upset at people who compare and contrast their situations to those of others. u know, everyone has had their fair share of hardships. everyone handles them in different ways. some people's breaking points are shorter or stronger than others'. some people can handle certain things, but not others. no one knows my whole story, very few people even know part of my story. yes, i have been through a lot of shit that people should not have to go through, but i choose to not let it weigh me down (but sometimes i slip). but if you try to compare your situation to another's, don't let it be mine. yes, i am good at hiding things, i am good at looking headstrong, but that doesn't mean life is perfect. i'm very good at downplaying things. why depress others? the things that i have gone through are no worse than the things you have gone through, and the things that you have gone through are no worse than those of mine. do not compare, for it is all relative.

u cannot know until u have been in my shoes
u cannot know until u have been in my shoes
and u cannot be in my shoes...
therefore u cannot know.

mind you, this is all venting. it's an accumulation of things that have happened, and things that i tried to not let get the best of me. i have used my blog to sort things out, to post about my daily adventures, to learn more about myself, and to remind myself. perhaps people can also relate. it's therapeutic! and look, i feel so much better now. =) my friends, i certainly hope you do not take this personally, for that is not the intention.

as of this program, the world i know has gotten that much less intimidating, and a lot bigger as well. i'm realizing many things through this program. i knew i would grow, but to what extent i really had no idea. every week is a challenge and more lessons learned. every week i learn more about myself, and what others see when they look at me. i have found myself to be a lot more vocal and outspoken. i say it how it is. if i strongly disagree with something or have very strong passions about a topic, i make sure my voice is heard. i have made my first voluntary office hour visit with one of my professors. i have come out of my shell around new people faster than i have ever before. i have trusted people quicker than i have before. i find myself saying things (and in ways) that i might not have before. i am ever transforming, ever growing. but the basic foundation of who i am has not, and will not, change. i am janet. hear me roar. watch out, world. i'm feelin pretty good right about now, but who knows what the remainder of the year has in store for me... =) i have yet to grow...

today i am thankful for public transportation, as inefficient as it may seem sometimes. the long hours and repetitive routes the bus drivers must take... i give em props. i almost always try to make it a point to thank them when i can. i wonder what made them want to be bus drivers in the first place? i often wonder how it is that people ended up doing what they do.

the joys of living in southern california... when it rains, it's a storm. today, all the news channels reported about what a windy day it was. "look at that flag flapping in the wind!" O_O *gasp* oh no, the flag! "there was dust getting in my eyes and mouth" O_O oh no! dust! ok, some tree branches broke and snapped power lines, causes fires. that's pretty serious. but really now, some of the other stuff they reported is just too much! people in asia would laugh at us. "you call that WINDY??" .... yes. we're southern californians spoiled by perfect weather!

CONGRATULATIONs to UCSD APSA on another very successful high school conference! special shout outs to jasmine and baker for co-coordinating the event and helping to shape it they way it's turned out. and just.. WOW to the entire staff. props to the video crew! what an awesome video!! cracked me up so much... hehe. i know many many hours and weeks of heart and soul went into this event. u are all very appreciated by all the students and alums. can u believe the kind of support u get from us old folks? =) we still care so much! *weep* but really, i was very nostalgic before the conference, and even throughout the conference. even right as i turned right onto Villa La Jolla, i saw the "APSA HSC -->" poster and this fatty smile came up on my face. =) i loved see all u again soooo much!

hit up SkiDazzle ski and snowboard expo today! so exciting, my weekend was. helped friends shop for good stuff, hung out with friends, played around, grabbed a whole mess of free stuff, and just browsed. it feels good going to a convention and not scrambling to find stuff. i have everything i need already, so browsing was very relaxing. i came outta there with a pocket toolkit and another jacket. need a lighter one cuz the one i have weighs me down and has velcro all over the place. i'll save that one for the freezing cold days, but use my new one for other milder days. =) it's great to have that choice. can't wait to have my pick of boards next...

well... only two days of real work this week. *huge smile* =) wheeeeee~!!!

abut 25-30 of us teacher folks went out again tonite! =) woo hooo~ went to The Mayan in downtown LA. pretty good place, i must say. =) we all got our groove on and just had a great time. i know there will be many more nites of dancing in the future. afterall, i AM in LA.. must take advantage.

well.. time to hit the sack and get what sleep i can for UCSD APSA's 9th annual High School Conference! doin a workshop and performing in the evening. get to see all my apsa peeps too! =) how i miss them.... *sniff*

feed your brain: http://encarta.msn.com/quiz/quiz.asp?quizid=51

i'm finally home from school. i felt like i was out on a day-long excursion or something... =P went to the women's clinic and got a pap smear done. THEY ARE NOT FUN. well... not that they're supposed to be, or anything. anyway. yeah got poked and prodded with a needle FOUR TIMES today. 4!!! first was for a flu shot. then the second was a nurse technician who couldn't get the blood out from my right arm (where the elbow bends), and then an air pocket developed. so then she tried again on the left arm, and that's when she prodded around forever. no luck after like 30 seconds of prodding. so by now i have 3 bandages patched up on my arms. so she calls another practitioner in (the fact that medicine is even referred to as a "practice" makes me uneasy) and i tell her no one's ever had so much trouble getting blood from me. i've got big ol veins. so i point out a really nice one by my right wrist, and she proceeds to a needle in my arm for the 4th time. eureka! filled two tubes in no time. i walked out of that clinic looking pretty broken though.

i am thankful for highlighters. such useful little suckers, aren't they?

yup, u can turn to janet for more entertainment: http://www.its.caltech.edu/~yel/english.htm

mmmm.. *droooool* MAMMMOTHHH looks so sexy already...

last nite a few of us teachers found ourselves at an underground-ish club called The Jazz Club, right in the heart of Chinatown (and i mean it. u know that Wishing Well plaza?) for those of u who know benji, he was spinning there that nite. i dunno.. i guess i wasn't really feelin the crowd, but towards the end it was fun. =) it's so weird to see teachers in their element, and then out of their element. especially seeing ernest teach his kinder class on friday, then watching him get his groove on yesterday nite. so weird!!

which reminds me... i don't know if i blogged about this yet, but if i did then i'm just doing it again to reaffirm how funny it is to me. =) kindergartners and first graders don't think that teachers have moms! it's sooo cute. had a conversation with a few of them in particular once, and it went a little sumthin like this:
me: (mentioned something about my mom)
kinders: you don't have a mom!!
me: yeah i do!
kinders: nooooo....
me: i have a mom, and so does Ms. Cheatham, almost everyone has a mom
kinders: noooo she doesn't!!
me: yeah she does! here... (i call her over)... Ms. Cheatham, do you have a mom?
Ms. C: yeah... (says to students) don't u remember when she came in the first day of school?
kinders: nooooooo you don't have a mom!

apparently that wasn't enough evidence for them.

i don't know if i could teach the lower elem grades. so much song singing, and trying to explain things logically to them just doesn't fly. i was talking to the teachers that i know at 99th street elem, which is where i'm at right now. i'm with a kick-ass, awesome teacher who is absolutely amazing with his students. i asked about any positions that might be opening up next year, and they said there were about a handful. no 5th grade openings, but there will be 4th, 3rd, and below. i'ma shoot for that 4th grade opening... =) and i'ma ask ernest, laurence, will, jane, and mr. russell to throw in a good word for me. it's all about networking! it would be very awesome to join the team with the ppl i know and look up to... very supportive, which is so very important in the teaching profession. we'll just have to wait and see in about... 7-8 months. i know that in no time i'll be blogging about getting ready for my first day of school... man time sure flies....

i am thankful for... the development of medication and medical practices. i would be so broken without them. apparently i'm in need of a lot of work. =( got my wisdom teeth out, getting two root canals, i'm getting a physical check-up tomorrow, so hopefully i won't be in as broken a condition as my teeth seem to be.

you know those small Kikkoman soy sauce bottles that they have at restaurants? if you read what's on there carefully next time, you'll see one of the funniest things ever (well, at least for me it was). =) on the back of it reads something like "Do not refill with any soy sauce other than Kikkoman." ... does that really make sense??! it's not like a mechanized thing that can only takea a certain kind of battery or energy source. it's a freakin container! so if i fill it up with another brand soy sauce, will the container not work anymore? freakin hilarious... so random. they at least deserve a B for effort.

i had to get a damn root canal done. and i have another one left to go. enter sad face here. why are they soooooo expensive???

i'm thankful, however, for credit cards.

kids crack me up! =) hehehe...
so today after my scheduled observation time from 8-12, i decided to check out one of my friends teaching in action. went to Ernest Banes' kinder class and had a great time. =) his students have got SO MUCH ENERGY oh my goodness. but check this out. during their recess time one of the kids came up to me and ernest and tattled that eduardo was knocking on Mrs. so-and-so's classroom door. well, we both looked up see one of the boys seriously sprinting away from a classroom door and glancing back like 2 or 3 times. i mean, u had to see it... it was SO CLASSIC. talk about not being smooth! hahahaa... it was so obvious it just was too much. =) boy, did he get it. ernest took him and marched him in right into that classroom to apologize to the entire class. the kid had to practically be dragged in... *sigh* alright, well u had to be there! =/

i love it when the kids ask me to tie their shoelaces for them. =)

today i am thankful for... the innocence of children. there is NOTHING, absolutely nothing, that can even compare. we can learn so much from children.

seeking brief entertainment? check this out: GROOVIN'

Mr. Clean lives!!! just saw his commercial on the telly *random*

this weekend was lovely, despite the downpour. got me some sweet deals at cabazon on sat! yay, more teacher clothes! on sunday my family and i went to pauma valley to go persimmon picking at the orchards (open to the public). while you're there you can eat as much as you want, which goes for all orchards open to public (some you have to pay an entrance fee), and u just pay per pound what you leave with. we bought SO MANY. so if u want persimmons, just ask. i've got enough to go around...

i'm getting a check up next week and maybe then i'll ask to get prescription strength medication for my monthly visitor. I HATE IT~!!!! but thank goodness... yes, jen, it's gone.. for now....

right. well... we teachers are already talking about workin it some more. beware LA clubs.. the teachers are comin out to have a good time =) i think i can get used to this clubbing thing... =) anyone care to join? ah but alas... i'm already falling behind on my work. =( not being a good example. you guys better not tell my future students!

DOOD. it's so weird... i'm already beginning to learn the shortcuts through/around campus, and people are actually asking ME for directions and whatnot. maybe i'm getting used to it here? though i still can't call it "my school" just yet. it's still weird to associate myself with UCLA. i feel like i've been given a new name... er. maybe a new last name. maybe this is sort of what it will feel like when i start to be called Mrs. enter-married-name. or no, better yet, Dr. enter-last-name. yeah.. THAT would be weird. i already am quite comfortable with "Ms. Lee." =( *sigh* still makes me feel old. who's still listening?

today i am thankful for... having the forms of entertainment that are here at my humble apartment. the TV keeps me company. i like to have it on almost all the time, even if i'm not watching, and even when i can barely hear it. i can't stand a perfectly quiet place... need just a little bit of sound. and my computer.. thank goodness for my computer. where would i be without an online connection?? lost. simply lost. (so sad)

i was quite inebriated last nite... i'm surprised i was even able to blog after i got back. strange how out of it i was, as i only had a few drinks/shots. (if you're a student of mine reading this, this is all a joke. i don't drink. i'm making this whole thing up.) and now i have a headache! i didn't even have that much! =P anyway, i had a blast last nite. i'm soooo glad that i took the initiative to foster my social life here. =)

well, about 25 or so of us teachers went out and invaded Q's. we got in for free (saved $15) plus 3 of my classmates owed me one drink each for losing the Bachelor bet! yes, candice, janet's a winner . =) so i got 3 free drinks for the nite. we all had so much fun just dancing and laughing, it really was great. i was cracking up so hard... =) hehe.. it was so weird that everytime i would look over at them, i would think, "these are teachers." then i think... "man, we're some DAMN hip teachers!" so for all u ppl who have the teacher-type stereotypes, erase erase. in fact, i think we were the funnest bunch there! yup. =) i'd like to go back again. GIRL'S NITE OUT! and anyone else who wants to come up and visit, we'll hit up Q's. they got good music and everything. usually i don't have much to say about clubs (of the very very few i've been to =P) but i really liked it this time around. i'm ready to go back anytime, but perhaps not on a school nite....

today i am thankful for... a reliable car with newly replaced tires. i saw way too many collisions today (not "accidents") and all because of a little rain (translates to "storm" in LA language). i know i could very well be driving around a jalopy, but i have a nice car and i'm very thankful for having it, feeling safe in it and whatnot. please drive safe, everyone!

we teachers are fun. damn i had a great time at Q's in Pasadena tonite!!!

tonite i am thankful for the friendships that i have created thus far here at ucla. =) my fellow teachers CRACK ME UP. they are too funny. =) i love em!!! i'm feeling quite good... time to sleep. got students to work with in the morning.....

i've got a bet on the line. who watches "The Bachelor"? well i do. my money's on Gwen. she's going to be eliminated. girl's nite out tomorrow, and i get a drink if i win. if not, gotta buy the winner(s) a drink. who really cares about this? i don't care! i need some excitement in my life.

15 min. til i find out if i win!!!

once a month i HATE being a girl.
once a month i want to be shot.
once a month i just don't want to move.
once a month i despise all men (ok, maybe not).

this is that once a month time. someone shoot me. how am i supposed to teach when i'm like this?? i'ma need some serious drugs. when i get my check up i'm going to ask them for prescription medication for this b.s. booooo~!!! i think men should carry babies. where do i submit my petition??

alright, despite how i feel right now, i AM thankful for... being in physically able condition. i have my 5 senses, functioning appendages and organs, etc. =) much to be thankful for.

i forgot that i used to use blogger as a sort of venting tool. i shall resume to...

this past weekend i went home (ok, just on sunday evening) finally! when i used to live in sd it was easier to tell my mom that i wouldn't be able to come home. i mean, a 2-hr drive versus 20 mi. away? do i really have an excuse? as much as i love my parents, i just don't like coming back to the house. i also love talking with my parents. they always have interesting things to say, especially about my life. yes, i could mean this in a sarcastic way too, but i this time i meant it in a sincere way. my father is at odds with my mission and path i've chosen in the field of education. while he doesn't condemn it, and in fact thinks it's a good thing that i'm teaching in Watts, he would prefer i don't stay there for much longer than a few years. he wants me to teach in a high-income district, get paid more, be in a safer community, be with "better kids," and so forth. it's a good trait to be selfless, he says, but not entirely selfless because that's just silly. he doesn't agree with a lifestyle like mother theresa's. yes, one should care for others and help them, but at the same time ppl should not completely disregard themselves and their own families. so if i focus all my energy on the students in Watts, then i'm not caring for my own family. will i raise my own children in that community, with such prevalent dangers and lack of resources? what of the shootings (a very real issue), what of all the exhausting work and little pay, what of it all? when i could choose to give myself a more comfortable, less stressful life, why put myself through all that? for a few years is fine, but for the rest of my life? that's what my father has qualms with.

well, he has made me think. but i am not so quick to alter my mission. i want to help level the educational playing field and make the lives of these students a little better, let them know that there are people who care. that's what they need first and foremost. if i can't do this directly, then i can at least reach out and educate the community, local businesses, etc. to let them know the realities of their lives. i don't know where i will be 10, 15 years down the line, but i know i will still be an active advocate of education. if change means that i have to move up to the administrative level and get down and dirty with public policy, so be it. but for now, my heart lies in the classroom. and if i'm lucky enough, i will be able to stay in the classroom for far beyond what i am imagining. i have big hopes for myself and my future students. i'm certainly not mother theresa, and i'm certainly not as selfless as i would like to be. but hey, with where i'm at now, i think i've got a good start. i know what i want to do... but i've still got a heck of a lot to learn. i can't wait for my dad to see me in my classroom with my kids next year, to see where my efforts are paying off, to see how happy and determined i am to do the only thing i can see myself doing... perhaps then he'll understand.

i can't wait til tomorrow is over. i'm tired of all this "bill simon did this.. bill simon did that.. how can u trust him? gray davis is a punk. someone shelley voted NO on this..." STOP IT ALREADY, PEOPLE! which is why i despise politics (aside from the fact that i can barely understand it all). and all this junkmail, "look at all the super-humane things this candidate did!" honestly.. aahahhhhh!!!!!! O_O wish i could vote, but i didn't change my county of residence from san diego to los angeles. for those of you who ARE voting in LA, please vote YES on Prop 47 and 49 and Measure K. i would normally exercise my right to vote, but.. minor problem i didn't think about in time. =(

on the bus today we stopped right next to a newstand and the cover of The Daily News read "194 car crash." a classmate later told me that this happened yesterday on the 710 due to thick fog. i went online today and i could not find an article on it anywhere. can someone help me here?? i'm kind of curious to just read up on it. i should maybe subscribe to the LA Times so that i know what's going on outside of my college bubble.

let's see if i can keep this going: today i am thankful for... all the food my mom gives me. i have yet to experience a day during which i was incredibly hungry since the start of my grad school career. =)

did i say that americans were far too boring and uptight after my trip from europe? who am i kidding... west hollywood is the place to be. u wanna see the pictures? i got the pictures. u want the stories? i got the stories. i saw Pink perform and we were so close to the stage. paulina rubio took too damn long to come out and we didn't like being sardines, so we skipped her. next year, i wanna rent a room on santa monica blvd on that strip with all my friends for halloween. =) i'm too lazy to look up what day of the week it falls on next year.

so, i miss volunteering. it was a huge part of the things that i did since high school. and now, it's such a strange feeling to be doing nothing else but school. no jobs, no orgs, no sports... ok well UCSD APSA high school conference is coming up. but that's an annual thing. at any rate, because i miss the whole volunteering thing so much i went with an undergrad (heaven forbid!) org called Asian American Tutorial Project to tutor elementary schools kids in Chinatown. for those of u who know former UCSD APSA prez Benji Chang, it's at the school that he teaches at. i tutored a 1st grader who LOVED to do homework, it was so funny. =) she's very cute, very smart. she'll go far, despite her few language boundaries. she's a smart cookie!!!

and congrats to reggie for getting into the second round of UCLA Med School apps!!!
doRkYjaNeT: usc is so *bleepin* expensive
doRkYjaNeT: u don't want to be a condom brand
mochicamry: yeah, to quote phil "a trojan is only good for day, a bruin lasts forever"