[anonymous friend who is taking online traffic school]: When the flashers or tap the break pedal quickly vehcile ahead of you passes a certain 3 or 4 times as a warning.
[traffic schoool sucker]: what the hell does that mean
doRkYjaNeT: hahaha
doRkYjaNeT: that can't be a real sentence
[sucker]: You point, such as a sign, count "one- can also use the hand signal for slowing thousand-one, one-thousand-two, and stopping. one-thousand-three."

deprivation: over a week and no blogging.

first of all, i wanna wish everyone a wonderful holiday season and a very prosperous new year =) as a teacher, i must say i'm a bit ashamed that i continue to make assumptions that i should not. i called my friends on the 25th to wish them a merry christmas, and i said to one of them "merry christmas" to which he responded, "happy holidays to you too".... *click* duh, ms. janet. he's jewish. well that made me feel like a complete idiot. anyway, saying "merry christmas" to everyone around u is sorta like wishing everyone a "happy chinese new year" in that it disregards the fact that it's really lunar new year, and it's not just chinese ppl who celebrate it.

LAST WEEKEND
Destination: Mammoth. =) talk about the recent storm. we could NOT have picked a better weekend to go up to mammoth. it DUMPED snow last week, and the weekend we were there conditions were phenomenal. 3 of my friends and myself left from torrance around... 5pm? my parents let me take their minivan, so i ended up taking all the boards (8 boards), and lotsa luggage. my gosh, on the 395, there was snow where i had never seen snow before in my life. the mountains that are always barren were covered with snow.. i'm talkin about way before Bishop. it was crazy. =) got me so excited. i was afraid that we'd be chugging along the 395 with chains on for miles on end, but it turned out that we didn't need to until we got to mammoth. yay! picked up keys, directions, and went up to our cabin. parked in a garage (nice) and unloaded. the other half came from SD and arrived about an hour or two afterwards. didn't sleep that nite til.. 4am?

got up the next day, lagged like crazy, didn't hit the slopes til about 10:30 or so. tee hee, i got the teen discount lift tickets! muahahaa... and i don't feel guilty in the least for passing for 18! >=) it was such a beautiful day, but quite cold. there was POWDER EVERYWHERE, esp. at the top of the mountain. the runs were nice, not too many ppl, no waiting in lines... it was great! hit up the park, got movie clips =) and i did the halfpipe too! starting to get the feel for it.. finally. i'm excited about this season =)

on sunday morning i cooked the biggest breakfast ever. so many eggos, sausages, and eggs. i've never cracked open so many eggs consecutively before. we rushed like mad to check ou of there by 10am, practically got kicked out. ended up going half day, passed for teen again. >=) even with a half day, my endurance was just pathetic. very out of shape, i am. so we returned to my minivan which was parked outside in the lot in the snow... and discovered the biggest windshield crack ever. from one side of the car completely over to the other. O_O my parents were not too happy. =P

i can't wait to go back to mammoth. =) and when will i be able to go to tahoe?

today i just got back from san diego. this past weekend i went down with my roomie. went to a bday dinner, ate lots, watched The Two Towers (veryyy long, but worth it to watch hottie Orlando Bloom. =) oh yes, the plot was good too.) also had to throw a going-away party for my good friend, who will be studying abroad in singapore for the next half year. i don't know how and/or why, but i drank so much. i've never had so many shots before, and i have NEVER gotten so drunk in my life. it was the first time i ever threw up from drinking so much. and it was the first time i ever forgot things. i only remembered things in frames towards the end. =P hm. i remember sink, toilet, bed. i don't plan on getting so wasted anytime soon...

but then there's new year's... on Catalina Island...

and i thought that i would be having an uneventful break.

WEDNESDAY
went with my friend ngay to chinatown to check out benji's classroom. his 3rd graders have so much energy! he also truly incorporates social justice into his classroom, and i definitely see the apsa influence too. it was pretty funny just reading his students' writings: "Columbus was mean. He was not trying to make friends. The Tainos were nice." =) go benji. chug-a-chug-a choo choo! (one of his lil props).

afterwards, drove through mad traffic (surprise surprise) to get my crown. i'm pretty impressed, they really made it look like a real tooth. well, yes that's the point isn't it. anyway, that officially ended my root canal process. took over a month =p

THURSDAY
ngay and i went to 99th street elem. to laurence's and will's 5th grade classes to do college presentations. i greeted my other 5th grade class (mr. russell's), and a lot of them hugged me. =) that was really nice because usually by that age they're too cool to give u hugs. so anyway, we got there right when they were doing the holiday performance. kids are so cute!!! some were singing the songs, others were just straight up shouting it in monotone, others were being very silly... kids will be kids. =) i'm going to enjoy being a teacher and watching performances every year. laurence's class was really down and very chill. will's class definitely had their own personalities, very unique. hopefully, we got them to seriously think about college. i can't wait to student teach in january!

in the evening, my best friend came over to my apt with another old high school friend that i hadn't seen in almost 4 years. it was so nice to see them again! we just hung out at my apt, caught up with stories, went to get thai food, brought it back and ate it while watching a very bad chick flick called "The Sweetest Thing," then we played scrabble and pictionary. see?? board games are fun. then i baked a cake for my students tomorrow..er. today. at 11, we went over to a bar by my place callled Q's and chilled. it was a nice girls nite out that i truly missed. =)

TODAY.
baked my cake for one of my classes. how the heck do i divide it up into 30 pieces??? and i have another class that i said i'd bring baked goods to. =P i think i'll just swing by diddy riese and pick up some cookies huh. i hate driving to westwood. ahhhhh~ oh well. time to go party hopping!! classroom holiday party hopping, that is. =)

and then... heLLooOoOoo~ MAMMOTH!!! helloooo snow storm! the storm is welcome, but not for our drive on the way there today. =( i'm really afraid of driving conditions on the way up. we have been warned to bring starter fluid in case the cars don't start up, we've been told to bring extra blankets and whatnot in case we have to stay in our cars during a snow storm.... i'm a little worried, i will admit. and i know it will take much longer than usual to get up there. i am praying that conditions will not be too bad this weekend. we leave this evening. i wish my friends and myself a safe travel...

one word: SNOW

am i in so cal?? the current storm is bringing in fresh powder to our local mountains. i have never in my life seen Big Bear so enveloped by natural white snow... i almost forgot i was at bear. although not too many runs were open, there were no lines, very few campers, and excellent runs. =)

my old roomie - davy - and i stayed over at my friend's place in riverside last nite. we didn't even get there til about 12:30am, then we talked til god knows when. barely got any sleep, woke up around 6:30, got ready and waited for friends of friends... didn't leave until about 8am. caravaning in 3 cars (a corolla, AWD subaru wrx, and 4WD trd tacoma) drove up the mountain and got stopped at snow valley for mandatory snow chain checkpoint. paid a LOT for an official dood to put on chains for us, and to cut the extra chain links off (otherwise it'll slap against the wheel well). they sponge u for all you're worth when u are in need. wow i get off on a lot of tangents. anyway, we were jealous of the other 2 cars.

so we don't even hit the slopes of Snow Summit til about 11am. but it was all good, cuz it was a free day anyway. this week is the only week i was able to use my free Bear Mtn/Snow Summit pass from SkiDazzle, because it's only good for Tues-Thurs. during certain weeks. while i could ditch in undergrad, there is no such thing as ditching in grad school. so yeah, free!! we boarded, it was snowing and hailing, we were freezing... but wow. POWDER. all over. =) and we hit up the dinky terrain park on the very right of the mountain, but it was a great warm-up run. davy and i are going to own the rails and halfpipes this season. oh yes, and the 360. we got a good number of grinds in today, and i did my first angled rail today! it was a great start of the season, and it looks like it's going to be a great one! i'm so excited. =)

i'm going to be so sore tomorrow. i'm incredibly out of shape. =/ plus it didn't help that i psyched myself out on a grind and fell backwards off the rail and onto my ass. limpage tomorrow? we shall see. i am home now and i want to sleep. must wake up early tomorrow...

the non-gambling janet had a great deal of fun in VEGAS. =) who would've guessed?

well, i knew i'd have fun regardless, because i was with my old SD friends. but i didn't know it'd be such fun. =) i rolled up with my friend anton, who drove up to come get me in LA. i said i'd be his company on the way to vegas cuz i'm such a sooper fantastic friends like that. haha =) no really, i worry about my friends driving on long trips alone. so yes, we get to get vegas just before midnite. =P drive around lost figuring out the parking structure and whatnot. walked around, drove again. i think we got in and out of his car at least 8 times that nite. anyway, i watched him and his friends gamble, and we got to crash in their room at Ballys. got up the next day, ate, went to downtown LV, gambled some more, walked around...

that evening we met up with our group at the Venetian. FLASHY, i tell you, flashy... we got a suite, cuz one of our friends hooked us up with a room through his father. that didn't sound right. well, u understand. then we go to this very cheap "ghetto" casino called Royale Casino, or Casino Royale, and gamble for a bit. i decided to get in on the action after watching my friends play craps and blackjack. i cash in my 20 for roulette chips. at one point i was up about $15 - 20. well, lost that. then walked around and moped a little. decided i'm going to try again. lose another 20. whee. which is why i hate gambling.

we go back to the venetian, take shot after shot while getting spiffed up for clubbing. i'm faded, and many others of us are as well. we drop by a few clubs and bars, but finally chose C2K. it was a nice club, but barely any people. on a friday nite. *boggle* your guess is as good as mine. but, we were all in good spirits and it was free, so we had fun amongst ourselves, the girls danced in the cage, we drank more... we had good fun in each others' company. =)

next day, get up really late, eat lunch, then i decide to make THE bet. one of my friends, before i left for my trip, asked me if i would make a bet for him if he gave me money. $100 on black (roulette). very very reluctantly and after much coercing (i mean, how am i supposed to feel if i lost it?), i agreed to do it. so, that saturday afternoon, i chose a roulette table, watched it for a bit, then made the bet when i felt it. i have never had such a feeling of rush from gambling before (which i hardly ever do anyway). i turned around, looked at my friends' faces to read their reactions but i couldn't tell. then one of my friends said, "it's black." i turned around, and the dealer handed over another $100 chip. how crazy. i can't handle that kind of pressure. i know what you're thinking. why not just keep the hundred and tell my friend that i lost, and make $200 for myself?

so after winning for my friend, i watched my friends gamble more. then we shopped around a bit, then got ready for another nite of clubbing in celebration of my old roomie's bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAVY! our plan that nite: to get him faded. he hardly ever drinks, so this was quite a mission. luckily for us, he was a willing victim. we all took hella shots again inside our room, then took the taxi to Palms because we had no designated driver. a good sign that we were all down to just party. =) we waited almost two hours in line to get into Rain, a club that we've heard much about. my roomie worked her magic and got the 5 girls in for $12 (reg. = $20), and got us up to the front of the line and into the club. we got in 45 min. before the guys did (poor guys.. oh well). =) Rain turned out to be a great club, with a very young crowd. we all danced like mad and got happy and faded. this nite would have to go down as one of my most fun nites. =) we didn't leave the club until about 4 am (didn't get in until around 1, though). hungry as we were, we chose to ate at denny's. a bunch of drunk asian folks, yes. we didn't sleep until abuot 6am... and check out is at 11am.

so, like the lazy asses that we are, we didn't actually leave our hotel room until about 1. we ate a lunch buffet and gambled more. i lost money on roulette, but gained it back. i broke even that day and i left it at that. =P we finally left for SD around 6:30pm. we arrived aroudn midnite, but my roomie and i had to drive back to LA. didn't get back to our apt until about 2am... so tired. but so fun. i never would have imagined having this much fun in vegas.. the first time i've ever stayed overnite there, in a bourgeoisie suite too. =) i'm down for another trip to vegas... plenty more clubs to hit up. vegas, u have shown me the light.

friends, this bruin is done. i have finished my last paper and i can officially say that my first quarter of grad school is behind me... but not without plenty of struggles and detours. i realize how blessed i am to be in the company of those around me. while it took me 4 years to have grown as much as i have at ucsd, i feel that the growth i have experienced here at ucla was exponential. it's a weird sort of change (phil knows what i'm talking about). i know i often come off as bubbly and silly in my blogs, but i mean, i usually feel like blogging when i'm feelin good. is that such an odd concept? like now, i just finished my first quarter!! and i get to spend time with friends whom i miss dearly (in vegas, no less) with all their quirks! there are many things to smile about. =)

i find myself often reminiscing and being in a stupor of nostalgia... but i also find myself dreaming big and wishing hard. after all, i am just a girl. =)

i'm nearing the home stretch of the last final of my first quarter. the last of the first. the first of the last.. what a momentous occasion. =) i still can't believe i'm at this point in my life right now. whenever i talk about "my undergrad" stuff, i feel like i'm talking about high school or something.

well, no time to dilly daddle. in a few hour's time... VEGAS, BABYyYyy~! (gotta love Swingers) (the movie) (u know.) my old roomies are out to get me seriously faded. i just know it. i fear this weekend.

A HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to two of my dearest apsa heads, (ar)Mando and Mikey! watch out mando... i wanna see pictures of you on your 21st. >=) they're out to get you. i wish i could be there with you guys for your bday bash!

i'm thankful for the invention of the dust spray can thing for computers. last nite my computer almost blew up (ok, so slight exaggeration). but it smelled like it was burning and my case was really hot to the touch. so i shut down, waited a few minutes, pushed the power button but nothing happened. think it was too hot and so it wouldn't turn on. pissed off, i unplugged everything, opened the case, took it outside and sprayed the sh!t out of it (lots of dust stuck on the fans). hooked my baby back up and now it's much happier =) purrrr~

[bastard!]: oh, on mammoth
[person i'm jealous of]: i get lift tix for 20 bucks
doRkYjaNeT: WHAT?1??!?!?!?!?1
[so cruel!]: =)
doRkYjaNeT: WHAT?!!?!!
doRkYjaNeT: NO SERIOUSLY, WHAT?!??!!
[can u believe it?!]: i have to bring the sport chalet pass though
[the nerve!!!]: so only i could use it
[aahhh!!!]: =\
doRkYjaNeT: u only get one for yourself?
doRkYjaNeT: mother freakin a
doRkYjaNeT: i hate u so much
doRkYjaNeT: i really wish u didn't tell me that

a day in the life of a grad student with a final-free day...

alarm goes off at 8:45am. tell myself i'm going to work hard!... umm. turn off snooze. 10am *ring ring!* OH SHNAZ! "janet, where are u?" "damnit! i'll be there in 30 min." head over to fellow classmate's apt. work on final project, plan to head over to 50% off warehouse book fair, but instead end up messing around, gossiping, playing taboo, eating lunch. more classmates come over, more loungin around talking... finally head over to our optional class at 3:30. go to class, and make lotsa interesting useful classroom stuffs. go out and eat GOOD THAI FOOD =) mm... (corner of Venice and Clarington called Natalee Thai). a bunch of us had a great dinner together, with our two professors who came with! very cool of them. they're such cute kindergartner teachers. =) anyway, a great day indeed. i was in the company of very good friends all day today...

one more final to go... then my FIRST QUARTER OF GRAD SCHOOL is OFFICIALLY OVER! go janet, go! do i hear a celebration nearing?

my monday is now part of the past. i am sooo.. RELIEVED. =) so, a number of us went out last nite to celebrate! played pool, drank, ad just hung out. it was fun, we were all in good spirits, and we just had a good time. i get very happy when i drink. i guess i forget cuz i don't do it that often. and for some reason, this morning i was feeling so icky that i yakked. that was the first time i ever threw up in 10 years, and it was just liquid that came out. anyway, who wants details right? oh yeah, when we were playing pool i kept saying, "the nite is still young!"... cuz my watch kept telling me it was 9:00. IT DIED. =( my watch died on me! i've had it for 4 years. need to get it a new battery now. i really can't live without a watch... makes me feel lost. the sad reality of modernity. =P

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."

this is no joke. if you don't manage out your time in grad school, it's your downfall. and mine is now. this will be the first all-niter i will be pulling since high school. i could never do it college, as many times as i've tried. i cannot afford to fall asleep tonite, however. let's see how i fare. i have so much ish due!!! aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! i have never ever done so much work in my entire life. i have never typed all day, and i will be typing the nite away as well.... please give me the strength to keep sane...

uC Triton 02: finals are coming to get me
uC Triton 02: and they're coming for you too!
doRkYjaNeT: i know
doRkYjaNeT: they already have
doRkYjaNeT: safe yourself!!!!!!!!
doRkYjaNeT: save yourself
uC Triton 02: *hiding under desk*
doRkYjaNeT: is it safe there?
doRkYjaNeT: ..WATCH OUTTT!!!!!! O_O
uC Triton 02: aaaaaack!
uC Triton 02: *jumps out window*

um. no comment. =/

DESENSITIZATION
strangers we have become
you and i
drifted apart
seeing each other through opaque eyes
speaking with emptied voices
hearing with one-eared deafness
we are one in the same
at times

yet we have become desensitized
as we continue to perpetuate
negativities that we underline
again and again
collecting them like ammo
with weapons spring-loaded
it has come to a battle between hearts
operation save yourself

who have we become?
we have forgotten ourselves
but you and i are blessed in so many ways
we must not forget to embrace
that which keeps us afloat
do not be drowned by words
for too many exchanged in disregard
is bound to desensitize any two people
and set them adrift

12.7.02

allow me to tell u a story. when i come home, my mom forgets my age. she forgets i'm not 16 anymore. there are so many things that she misses about me just being a kid, that oftentimes she finds herself treating me like a child, or wishing i was a kid again. it's hard to forget about things past. but with time comes change... inevitable change. some are welcome, others are not so. life is not stagnant. just like the relationship between mother-and-daughter, there are many other things in life when we find ourselves wishing that things were the way they used to be. the quote that i live by cannot hold truer than in this case. experience is definitely the hardest teacher of all. u get a pop quiz, and u have to pick an answer right then. u have no choice. u deal with it, but eventually u learn the lessons that come with the test. the test of time is truly the hardest challenge. how do u deal with change?

as i've mentioned before, i have learned much about myself in the past several years, and i continue to do so. i've learned that i am able to overcome things without going completely insane (key word: completely). and as i grow older i've found myself being able to deal with things with more strength, dignity, and grace (at least, i'd like to think i do). i won't deny that i'm a very proud person, in that i don't let people see me weak. sometimes i slip, and i feel like such a wuss. but i am only human, and i accept my shortcomings.

i am thankful for change, for i know change happens for a reason.

SHOWER RACE #3 (previous score 1-1):
Pasta Asha: i have to poop too
doRkYjaNeT: are u trying to say u wanna forfeit?
Pasta Asha: noooo
Pasta Asha: i'm just saying you need all the extra help you can get
doRkYjaNeT: HA
doRkYjaNeT: are u ready?
doRkYjaNeT: are u going to pooop?
doRkYjaNeT: are u going to try your best?
Pasta Asha: yes but i'll make it quick
Pasta Asha: i have to poop! i cant NOT poop
doRkYjaNeT: go poop first then
doRkYjaNeT: then msg me
doRkYjaNeT: then poop
doRkYjaNeT: or are u pooping now
doRkYjaNeT: u must be pooping now

Auto response from Pasta Asha: pooping just so its a fair match

doRkYjaNeT: hahahhahahahhahahaaaa

..... well, shower race #3 is null and void. apparently my shower buddy is a cheater!

my life is like an upstream battle on a level 5 white water rafting course... i'm exhausted, and out of all this so far i only have two classes down. i can't believe how much more work i have left. i have NEVER done so much work in such short amount of time. i have no idea how we're supposed to keep sane next quarter with Student Teaching everyday on top of afternoon and nite classes almost everyday as well. but.. no time to worry about. first thing, must finish projects...

i hope everyone else in school is hangin in there! GOOD LUCK with finals! =)

today i am thankful for a comfortable bed, comfortable blankie, and comfy pillow. =) nothing like comfort and warmth for a tired soul...

why i listen to the news: "it's the one year anniversary since enron filed for bankruptcy..."
HONESTLY. what are we to do with that kind of information? celebrate? shop? mourn?

i have no salsa or hot sauce at my apt. what is wrong with this picture??

today was dedicated to all my projects and assignments. i'm tired and exhausted. i have two more weeks left. it's crunch time, but i can do it. good luck to everyone who is either finishing up their last week of instruction or are going through finals. =) hang in there, we'll pull through! go team go.

i lost my shower race today =( by FIVE SECONDS.