Hi team,

It was so great to see everyone yesterday. I'm hoping that our discussions in seminar alleviated some of your frustrations. Continue to think of ways seminar can best be structured to meet the needs of each team member's learning goals (and mine as well). Have a great weekend!

terri (<-- our team faculty advisor)
__________________________________________________

Hey teammates,

I don't know how everyone else feels even after our seminar discussion
yesterday, but I still feel like not much has come out of it. Speaking for
myself, I definitely needed the space to be able to share how I felt. And,
it seems that many of us seem to agree on major issues. However, I, in no
way, intended to attack our program (if that's how it seemed), but rather
sought to bring the issues out... and from there create some sort of plan of
action. We've discussed the "So What?" The next level is "So What Now?" I'm
not talking about staging a revolt, nor a revolution. I'm just talking about
being heard, because we are key players in our own education at ucla. I've
bragged about our program to prospective students, and I don't want them to
find themselves in the same position. To be honest, the drive and vision I
had at the beginning of last quarter seems to be inversely related to the
amount of busywork we are assigned. I'll admit that I am unmotivated while
in class (if you couldn't already tell) and while completing homework.

Referring back to the TEP Code that we analyzed heavily during orientation
week, I feel that it is somehow forgetten now. Granted that we each have our
own interpretations of things, I honestly don't see how our classes and
assignments this quarter push us to "embody a social justice agenda...
[provide] depth of content knowledge, powerful pedagogies, and school
cultures that enable serious sustained engagement in teaching and
learning... remain self-renewing... focus simultaneously professional
education, school reform and reinventing...[be provided with] tools..."
(Student Handbook, 2). The TEP commitment is to understand, prepare to
address, and TAKE ACTION to address inequalities. I feel as though we were
told to merely accept that not everyone will be pleased. Note taken. But is
it not obvious that the great majority of us are NOT pleased?

Half the quarter is behind us now. Do we just sit tight and accept that
there are only a few more weeks left? I think we can learn a great deal in a
matter of weeks. I don't know about anyone else, but having Megan teach our
math methods class today finally brought a surge of hope to me once again.
That's the stuff I wanna learn. Where can I go for more? I thought we were
supposed to be able to find a lot of that here in this very program. That's
why UCLA stands out from the rest. I apologize if I still seem dissatisfied,
but the truth is that I am (although, a lot less). I'm glad that we agreed
to bring this up with our professors. I guess that's the next step. And I
know some of us stayed behind to discuss it with Megan, which makes me feel
better =) And I do feel better. Thanks for listening, guys. =) And thank you
Terri for giving us the space that we needed yesterday.

janet

"We must become the change we want to see." - Mahatma Gandhi
"Experience is a hard teacher. It gives the test first, and teaches the
lesson afterwards." - anonymous

i am about to pass out i'm so exhausted. running off about 3 hrs of sleep. speaking of running, ran for 25 min yesterday. i guess that made me feel good, although it contributes to being tired. there is hope for me yet this sunday for the Firecracker 5k run in chinatown. =) but yes, sleep. the nite before got only a few hours of sleep as well. i don't think i got more than 5 hours in one nite since last weekend. how am i functioning?... time to lesson plan.

the sad reality of janet's eating habits...
roomie: is that salad??
me: yeah.. don't laugh!
roomie: no... that's cool!

=( so i'm a carnivore. it's sad when my friends all have to make some sort of comment everytime i eat a meal that contains no meat or protein.

OH MY GGOOOOODDDD our homework is soooo dumbbbb!!!! freakin busywork!!! that's all it is!!!! arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!! soooo frustrated!!! what am i learning?!?!? last quarter was cool, but this quarter is starting to irk me. especially since we have student teaching EVERYDAY. can we be learning some theory or practical applications? PLEASE? >=( grrrrrrr....

a guy (or significant other) should be an addition, not a subtraction. i guess that would make me just a sitting whole number, neutral. not quite an equation. valentine's day is a dumb marketing scheme. damn capitalist america. don't even waste any time moving from one holiday to the next. halloween suddenly transforms into thanksgiving, which consequently turns into christmas and new year's, and then a huge jump to pink and red. O_o excuse my seemingly apathetic attitude, but it's really not that way. there are both good and bad things that come with being single. (i should be the one to talk =P) but ultimately, i'm ok with myself. =) i like to consider myself a strong and independent person. and at this point in my life i'm experiencing a lot of new things, while in a sense revisiting old ones. such is life, never stagnant. plus, i never cease to be eager about what the future has in store for me. =) i have this calm sense that things are gonna be good...

something else that's been weighing on my mind: while there is no teacher ed. program that could EVER prepare one for the difficult profession of teaching, i feel that ucla is far and beyond in its curriculum. i can say that with certainty. it is progressive and ever-changing according to the needs of the students. i do believe in its mission. however, this quarter i'm a bit frustrated and disheartened in the coursework we have been given. we have incredibly long classes that don't seem terribly productive, and certainly not efficient. mostly, the work we're required to do is loads and loads of busywork. and we're simultaneously student teaching. it's just not flyin' with me. i understand that no matter how well a program is designed to cater to the needs of its students, there is always room for critique. and it's not that ucla isn't trying and improving. in the past several years there have been major changes that i know have resulted from students who've voiced their opinions. and me... i'm not one to be silenced if i feel passionate about something. but for the time being, i'ma just hang tight and go with the flow...

give your mind knowledge, your body strength, and your spirit faith.
APAAC (Asian Pacific American Awareness Conference)
Annual conference at UC Irvine, coordinated by my hard-workin buddy john pv =) yay!
this Saturday, Feb. 1, 9am - 10pm
info/registration: http://asians.to/apaac

i'm sorry raiders... but that was just flat out humiliating. in the last 4 seconds... man. OUCH. talk about being kicked while you're down. and i didn't see any good commercials. =(

from Teachers: Jokes, Quotes, and Anecdotes:
"If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had forty people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job." - Donald D. Quinn

hmmm... yeah... =) c'est la vie. happy super bowl day! =)

this feels like a terribly long day... wow. got up early as usual for student teaching, had a great day, felt good =) came home, chilled, went to benji's lecture, am doing hw now. but i'm off to my teammate ngay's bday party. =) all in a day's work. then i get to wake up at an ungodly hour on a sat. morning for my Health class AAALLLL DDDAAAYYYY...

fun stuff (ok, so i'm easily amused):
ANAGRAMS: dormitory --> dirty room; the morse code --> here come dots

i have discovered a new love.
mcdonald's oreo mcflurry. =)~

right now, more than ever, if i could just make everything for everyone in my life better, i would. there is so much going on with so many people around me (myself included) that i'm feeling the burden. it's bound to drive anyone to constantly think about her own mortality and how she is living her life, as well as rethink the relationships she has with the ones around her. where is the brake pad? i want this to come to a halt. it's overwhelming... enough for me to break down quietly in class for a moment. (so not me) i hate being weak...

on another note, can i just say that this is only week one of student teaching and i'm drowning already. i can barely hold myself up while in the classroom, and most of us wanna pass out during our afternoon/nite classes. what is up with the homework? i need to get in the habit of not sleeping so late. that said... i *should* be getting ready for bed... many things preoccupying my mind. and much to look forward to the following day =)

from "Teachers: Jokes, Quotes, Anecdotes":
Elementary School Essays on U.S. Politics
The president has the power to appoint and disappoint the members of the cabinet. (hehe!!)

can i really hang as a teacher? my eyelids were soooo heavy this morning, i was about to collapse i was so tired. and i kept yawning. it's really catching up to me now. and i had accidentally set my alarm to 6:30 PM. O_O good thing my body woke itself up at 7:15... but i was late. anyway, i had a nice brief conversation with mr. russell. he's so dope. he just opened the doors for me and said we'll be like "kobe and shaq," tag team duo. now i won't feel so silent and in the shadows. i don't know if i'ma be able to hang on wednesdays... student teach, then rush to campus to make it to class by 1, and don't get out til 7. =P i need more sleep.

what i thrive on:
[ian, fillin my shoes as TA]: thanx for being such a great "mentor"!

i need to feel helpful and useful. that's just me. that's why i'm not asleep yet. need my help? i'm there. =) whenever possible. same thing with aldrin, who called me a mentor too! ahhh!!! makes my heart so warm. and i know richard seeks me out too... probably the most often. at least i know i'm not forgotten. =) i love you guys!!! and susan just told me again today that lil dale keeps calling her "janet." yay, i'm not just his "old tutor" =) i miss that kid. i miss u guys. i miss apsa. i miss sleep. i have to wake up at an ungodly hour to student teach tomorrow... man i dunno if i can hang with this.

so i ended up going to the afterparty yesterday nite. i must be crazy. honestly, the things i do. =P the vietnamese culture nite didn't even end until about 10:30. then my friend and i came back to my place, ate, watched friends, then left for Grand Avenue for the afterparty. clubbing on a monday nite, the nite before my first day of student teaching. so we went, i danced for a bit, gave yet another guy the "no, but u can have my email" response cuz i'm an idiot. (dood, and he already emailed me.) didn't get home til around 3am, and got up at 6:30 for student teaching. and PBS was in the classroom filming all freakin day practically. so funny how they hover this huge speaker right above u when u speak. took a while to get used to. and i do a lot of walking around, and i kept having to dodge the camera guy and the speaker-holding guy. the students were surprisingly themselves. one did a bit of acting, it was hilarious. =) but for the most part, it was great. several of the pbs people asked me who i was and stuff. i doubt i'll get any airtime, i was just the helping in the background lady. today was good, despite how tired i was. went home, got laundry done, had a great talk with my mom, and picked up my roomie and she treated me out to dinner. =)

hmm. i'm still up. i have to be up early tomorrow. =/ heading to olvera street in the morning, go home quickly and do laundry and whatnot, meet up with my guiding teacher at his house in inglewood to discuss my first day, then meet with one of my many groups for a project, then go to ucla's vietnamese culture nite, and mayyybeee hit up the afterparty. i'd like to go =) but the following day is my first day. we'll see what i decide. if i'm hardcore, i'd go. if not, i'm being a responsible, mature adult. any wagers?

currently listening to Tell Me, Groove Theory
"i've been doin my own thing...
give me a new beginning..."

the nite before i went out with my classmates to some bar/lounge in posh brentwood called El Dorado. it was alright for a social atmosphere, but a bunch of us were itchin to dance. the dj kept playing house, but ppl would stop dancing. we'd keep requesting hip hop, but he said he had to play house for a while. uh.. and no one danced! blah~ no matter. i love my TEP buddies =) i always have fun when we go out together.

well, my friends from SD are up here for another weekend. =) celebrating Pam's bday at the Highlands in hollywood (very swanky). if u've ever seen the movie Studio 54, it's very much like that when trying to get in. they look at u, they'll let u in if they want to. if not, u could stand there all nite and be ignored. lucky for us we had a bunch of really pretty girls so they got us in. =) but 4 of our friends couldn't because we got in before they were even in line. =/ at any rate, i barely saw my friends that nite anyway. i had my own share of a very fun nite filled with dancing and good company. =)

as if i'm not already nervous about student teaching. i get this email from my faculty advisor today:

"Janet,
Just to give you a heads up...PBS will be taping in Mr. Russell's class on
Tuesday. Don't let the cameras and lights surprise you.
Terri"

needless to say, i don't think i'll be teaching on the first day. i don't think pbs wants to see a silly ucla student trying to look like she knows what she's doing on her first day. actually, for many of you that would make for an entertaining show. >=/

wow. pretty on target!

What do you want in a man? (e-tests are great forms of entertainment)
Romance
Although you're a sucker for romance, you'll probably cut a guy some slack even if he doesn't constantly pamper you with gifts and affection. You crave passion in your relationships, so you want a guy who can (and will) express his deepest feelings for you through his actions. Someone like Richard Gere or George Clooney, perhaps? But you know that men aren't very romantic, so you're willing to lower your standards in this area if need be. Chances are you're willing to stick around once the courting period ends, though it's still very important that your guy occasionally dote upon you. Your realistic-yet-hopeful outlook will guarantee you a good catch!

Maturity
Love might be a serious game, but it should still be fun. Too much sophistication can kill the romance. But we didn't have to tell you that. It sounds like you always go for the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose and just be himself. Practicality and maturity are respectable qualities, sure, and no man should be completely without them, but they've never been high on your list of important ingredients for an exciting night out. Based on your answers, we think your perfect guy �Esomeone like Jerry Seinfeld or Cuba Gooding Jr., perhaps? �Eshould know how to have a great time without acting too childish or outrageous. Whether he adds a little bit of danger to your life or just has a great sense of humor, your ideal man would still be young enough at heart to let the kid in him emerge.

Lifestyle
Love doesn't come cheap, but it doesn't have to be all that expensive, either. It sounds like you're not very concerned about your ideal man's financial situation. Of course, we all dream of living well, but it's a mistake to mix your expectations of love with your hopes for a first-class lifestyle. Based on your answers, it seems like money isn't a real romantic concern for you. On the airplane of love, you're just as happy traveling coach as first class. (Two TV guys who live up to your financial expectations �Eor lack thereof �Eare Chandler and Ross from "Friends.") Being detached from materialist concerns is a healthy, realistic attitude and should help make you happy. It means that when Mr. Right crosses your path, you'll be sure to recognize him and not worry about the size of his wallet.

Looks
You seem to know instinctively that love is blind, so why rule out any potential suitors? Sure, you probably prefer a looker (who doesn't?!), but you don't have strict standards by which you measure a potential date's physical appearance. Nicolas Cage? Ben Stiller? Just your style. Not only does this tendency reflect your innate good nature, but it also indicates that you'll be more apt to find your ideal man, since you're not someone who shuts the door on anyone who couldn't make a magazine cover. Of course, just because you're willing to look past the surface doesn't mean that your guy will be anything less than stunning. Whoever he is and whatever he looks like, you'll find him because your mind and heart are open.

i'm still up. this is going to be the last weeknite that i can stay up late like this. i start student teaching next week. i already said that didn't i? well it's been weighing on my mind a great deal. it gets serious now!

today was quite the interesting day. after class, i picked up my little cousin from her high school, which is right by where i live. so trippy! and i never even knew. she commutes about an hour by bus from k-town. i can't believe it. but i've spent hardly any time with her in the past several years. today, we played catch up. =) we were like two long lost sisters. and i got to play the big sis that i love to be. when she's with me, i become so much more... well. sisterly. =) i've realized how much she needs to have me in her life at this point in her life. and i've always wanted a younger sibling. i have a good feeling about our relationship.

on the other hand, all the bitches of LA seemed to come out today. i came back to my car with the freakin parking biznitch typing in her machine. i had to literally stand there waiting for her to finish. even though i got there, she just said sorry. after she was finally done printing it out, she says, "want me to give it to you or put it on your windshield?" she has the nerve to MOCK me? i hate ppl who are mean for no reason. i think ppl should get a different job if they hate theirs so much. as i drove away, i saw that she gave another lady a ticket right when she got to her car too. i saw the look on her face as she stood next to her car... =O i have more mean stories for today, but the bitter feelings are resurging and i don't wanna go to sleep feeling blah.

CONGRATULATIONS to my ex-roomie DAVE!!!! he got accepted with high honors into his back-up law school!!!! he's a smartie tartie. =) i'm happy for him. yayyyy dave!!!!!!! i called him and had one of the most interesting phone conversation ever, for lack of a better word. the phone was tossed to everyone who lived there. davy answered, i asked for dave, dave got it and i said no! not u! the other dave! you're lang (we call him by his last name). i tell him to tell davy he's a punk for not recognizing me and thinking i was lang's gf. he gives the phone back to davy so that i can tell him myself what an idiot he is. so then i did. then his gf gets the fone and i talk to her for a bit. then it gets tossed to dave finally. i congratulate him, then he says makoto wants to talk to me. but before it gets to him, anton and kevin have to say strange things to me. then it finally gets to makoto and he fills me in on his girl drama. =) surprise surprise. i love my friends. they're a quirky bunch. =)

to end this most interesting day, i had my own share of personal stuffs. caught off guard, to say the least. and i hate dealing with particular subjects. =( wow i'm vague. that's all.

i am suffering from withdrawal symptoms. while IMing richard, he mentioned his resume. so i opened mine and updated it a bit (just had to change the dates, like "present" into "6/02")... but looking over it, i realized how much i did while at ucsd. i amaze even myself. how did i find the time to do it all? and now, i'm not doing anything other than TEP. no orgs, no clubs, no jobs... i have these itchings to go volunteer, and so i go whenever i can: weekend tutoring, high school conferences, k-town clean-up, local orgs, whatever i can find. i feel empty because i'm not doing all these things (like i have the time now, anyway). i know this is what i was looking forward to -- being able to concentrate my efforts rather than spreading them thin. i am proud of my accomplishments at ucsd, no doubt. =) and of course i'm proud of myself for the things i'm doing here at ucla. today's classes were great. =) gave this mock lesson on the moon cycle and got lotsa compliments. ppl were also impressed with my drawing of the U.S. (i had a reference to look at though), and other drawings i put on the chart. i thrive on positive energy, especially when i feel good about myself. right now, i ain't feelin too bad (albeit a little sleepy)...

something to think about next time u go into surgery: READ ALL ABOUT IT

"The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum." - Frances E. Willard

i bought a jumprope yesterday and i will now begin jump roping for exercise. beats running anyday. =) my roomie and i are doin well. i'm very lucky to have her as a roomie, i'll say that much. everyone is very em-/sympathetic. again, i count my blessings. thank u to everyone for caring. my classmates are so awesome. i got flowers today for my half birthday! today is my half birthday (6 months)! my teammates are very silly (thanx, trung). =) i had a good day today. that's all there is to it. and tonite we're gettin together to bash on The Bachelorette. the madness just doesn't stop.

so call me a sucker. i took one of those e-tests (ok maybe more than one...), courtesy of emode.com:

What kind of girl are you?
You are the Girl Next Door
Cute, fun, and sweet, you're Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, and Meg Ryan all rolled up into one ・the perfect Girl Next Door. Naturally pretty, unpretentious, and generous, you demand your share of respect, but you aren't particularly high-maintenance. What's your ideal date? Probably a Blockbuster night ・you don't mind skipping an evening on the town if it means getting some old-fashioned snuggling on the sofa. Careful yet spontaneous, you're a little bit of the Guy's Girl, a smidge of Sorority Sister (the nice kind), and just a hint of the Hippie Chick. But you've got an appeal that's all your own, which is why the guys can't stay away. People are attracted to your strong values and traditional ways. Your winning smile, bright eyes, and loving nature will make anyone want to hold on tight and never let go.

hmm. i resent the sorority sister comparison. but everything else sounds nice. =) i kick ass yeah.

What Are You Looking for in a Relationship?
You're looking for a Best Friend
There are many different ways to look at relationships, but for you, finding a best friend, the one person you share everything with, is the most important. Some people focus more on the romantic image of a soul mate to last the span of time, but you probably prefer the reality of making the most of every moment of every day. And who better to live those moments with than someone who's true blue through and through?

The ideal match for you is probably someone who can anticipate the next word out of your mouth and who laughs at the punch line before you even tell it. Chances are it's important to you that they'd expand your circle of friends, introduce you to new places, faces, and experiences, too. Whether this relationship is here for the short- or the long- term, you're a take-it-as-it-comes kind of person, with few expectations or fairytales to live up to. You'd take your constant companion and trusted secret-keeper over a fairy princess or Prince Charming, any day. Whether you realize it or not, there's someone out there who feels the same way about you. Like you, that someone is looking for the one person to be their best friend �Eboth in the bedroom and out.

i'ma go ahead and agree with this... =) and try to believe it.

* * * * *
doRkYjaNeT: i am a strawberry daiquiri
Pasta Asha: whats your alcoholic personality.. huh
doRkYjaNeT: oh it's not a good thing
doRkYjaNeT: shit
Pasta Asha: i think i was a dry martini before
doRkYjaNeT: "CONGRATS! You're a Strawberry Daiquiri You're the person that everyone just wants to have sex with. Nothing more, nothing less."
doRkYjaNeT: i'm not putting that up on my blog

becoming my dorky self again, not scared to open my front door anymore. this morning i went to 99th street to check out laurence's class. they have so much personality. =) students are great medicine. being around them makes me forget the things that weigh me down.

i start student teaching in one week:
dorkyjanet: i'm a little nervous
[my mentee from 3 years ago!]: well i don't think you should worry, i know you will do a great job
[mentee]: i have experience w/ you.. you were my mentor
dorkyjanet: =) that really means a lot to me, thanx =) every little encouragement helps
dorkyjanet: i have lotsa notes and letters up on my walls to remind me when i start questioning myself or my abilities

i've been honored the school that i've requested, 99th St. Elem. (add one more ucsd alum to the already long list)! i have an amazing guiding teacher. he's taught for almost a decade, he's well-respected at the school, he's the only nationally certified teacher there...the list goes on. needless to say, i'll have much to learn from him. i have a 5th grade class that i've worked with for 3 weeks last quarter. but this time, i step in as a teacher. everyday. this is the real deal. i'm a lil apprehensive, yet eager at the same time. only time will dictate what will happen...

isn't this crazy? my dream is slowly materializing... =)

"But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know..."
- Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

1421: The Year China Discovered America.
you read that right. read about it. (thanx fred) so i hope we don't celebrate the bastard Columbus anymore, since he really didn't do much.

it's amazing how a simple, virtual conversation can make one feel so good. =) i just talked to one of my former students... and he is truly a unique character. what i have done to earn his respect, i don't know. gosh i remember when i first heard about him and met him. two years ago... and now he's in college. and i continue to learn so much more about who he is. =) talking to my students always does such wonders. so strange...

today i got to see a good friend i've not seen in a while. thanx, john for coming up to visit me! and waiting all those hours on campus for me. =P it was nice to just eat and chill... sorry i fell asleep watching the movie. i seem to have a knack for that, but never when i'm in the theatre. yay for 99 cent video stores! =) LA's got it all.

on another note, while on the topic of friends... i'm so sad! two friends of mine flinched when i approached to hug them. they thought i was going to pop them or something. how sad is that! i'm not that violent... =* poor janet. i would never hit a guy. *angel* (no that wasn't sarcasm!)

"This thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down but the staying down." - Mary Pickford

"Things turn out the best for peope who make the best of the way things turn out." - John Wooden

for your humor (from Teachers Calendar):
Crazy Things Kids Write on Tests: "The climate is hottest next to the Creator"

a weekend of reminders of the good things in life was just what lily and i needed. we're slowly returning to our old selves... =) and i am certainly feeling much better.

the nite of lily's bday was quite interesting. i ended up sleeping on the floor cuz my bed was already occupied. hehe! the pictures were worth it though. hehe. =) i definitely had a great time dancing and chillin. the following morning i somehow got myself up to go to a CEJ (coalition for educational justice) meeting in the morning with laurence. went home, saw family. did laundry. found an awesome board shop where the ppl actually take care of me and my board. very down ppl and cheap hot waxing. freakin sport chalet.. i got transferred 3 times when i asked about hot waxing. ugh. after davy and anton kept themselves occupied by watching Sex and the City episodes with lily's new dvd player, i took them out to k-town to get some gooood soon doo boo. =) afterwards, davy and i made way to my friend's place in riverside for the following day..

can we say $30 for boarding all day?? personally, that's all i think so cali resorts are worth. but damn. what a beautiful day. couldn't have asked for better weather conditions. the snow, however... well that's a different story. quite icy and very shallow base depth. no matter, i was gettin good air today =) and while my grinds were pathetic, the halfpipe was alright. think i did a lot better at summit, whose halfpipe is more symmetrical and better groomed. we got lotsa runs in, so i'm happy about that. i forgot about many of my woes and whatnot. =) a happy day indeed. good friends are easy to cherish.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ROOMMATE, LILY!!!
last nite we went out to The Lounge in West Hollywood. pretty small, very asian. i had a great time dancing. good music, good vibe. =) dancing is a wonderful stress relief. just before that i went to 3rd st. with a friend, with whom i felt much more cheery! =) so thank u, monsieur. i was able to be myself again, if only temporarily. i think i'm getting better =) last nite we also had major neighbor drama. =P i am cursed with anal neighbors. i can't wait to live in my own house.

i've just realized today that something else is missing. and this time, it's sentimental. can't really be replaced. it's my high school team duffle bag. i use it to go EVERYWHERE. it's been with me on every road trip, every weekend trip... the perfect bag. and they took it. they used it to take all the things from my apt. that pissed me off nice and good this morning. now i need another duffle bag.. but it won't be the same.

i'm doing better

we can't bring back the things that were taken. all this electronic stuff. but at least they are replaceable. i am thankful that lily and i were safe. but do we feel safe anymore? we want bars up on our windows. i got more window locks. we are getting our door locks changed. the fingerprinting ppl came by yesterday. it wouldn't be SO bad if they just hadn't taken her car. yes, replaceable. but she put a lot of extra time and money into it. and now we're trying to juggle around sharing my car, which i completely don't mind. it just reminds us of what has happened. i'm paranoid, and i hate that. i swear i heard tapping on my window last nite. i jumped 10 feet out of my chair. i want them to give me back my feeling of safety, my faith, my strength (cuz damn i need it)... i've always told myself that i am a strong person. i've been through worse, true. i just need some time to get over this, but it doesn't help that we are getting these weird, freaky phone calls every few hours. i can't believe i slipped yesterday and cried. i didn't know who to call 'cept my mom. i hadn't cried like that in a long time. *slaps self* i'm lucky i live with someone who i consider to be a very strong woman.

i'm doing better now =) i took yoga for the first time in my life yesterday nite. it's not so bad =)

u know, u find out so much about a person's character in the first things that come out of their mouths when u reveal unfortunate news to them.

i am NOT ok.

i haven't cried about what has happened yet. i felt strange all day today though. not myself. drained of energy. and here come the tears. i'm alone in my apt for the first time since. the police came by today to take fingerprints but no one was home.

I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. i hate mean bastards!!!! WHY?!?!?!? WHO WOULD DO THIS SHIT???

how do i feel? i feel a million things. i feel violated. i feel sad. i feel this deep sadness that is eating away at me. i hate that!! i hate the way that someone who i don't even know and is not a significant person in my life can make me feel like this. i feel paranoid. i hate unlocking the doors to my apt and bracing myself for what or who i may find inside. i hate being away from my apt wondering what might happen to it. i hate wondering if i am ever safe. i feel guilt. i feel anger. i feel alone. i dont' feel safe. i am not myself, and tha'ts what worst of all. lily and i said that we don't want this to disrupt our lives. but it's a fucking reality. I HATE THE WAY YOU BASTARDS ARE MAKING ME AND MY ROOMMATE FEEL! and i don't even know who you are!!! i'm so angry it makes me cry.... i haven't cried from this feeling in so long. i am a strong person. i am a strong person. i don't want this to affect me or how i feel. but right now i feel like breaking down. i hate thisssssssss. i hate it.... i hate it!!!!!!!!!

a thousand heartfelt thank u's to those faithful friends who are there for me and my roommate.
i count my blessings everyday.

my apartment just got broken into.
ask me if i feel safe.
things are missing, but i am not at liberty to say what.
i will be ok.

for your laughter and enjoyment:
On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the classroom asked, "How will that help?"

hehehee! kids are great... and sooo right. =)

classes have resumed, and it's going to be a great quarter! my tuesdays are free after student teaching =) thinkin about possibly takin up yoga. janet, yoga? *shrug* i need to do something active. i need a damn rock climbing partner in LA.

feed your brain:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00007EPJ6/103-1621144-9449412
what do YOU think about it?

[my PhD nerd friend]: there's a big controversy surrounding the segway. dean kamen is the guy who invented it. he's also the guy who's invented other stuff, like the wheelchair that can climb stairs. anyways, as the story goes he started talking about a project he called "IT". he wouldnt tell anyone what it was, save for some of the most powerful and influential people in the world. bill gates and his CEO cronies. all signed non-disclosure agreements, but were able to tell SOME things to the press. the gist of it was that some very important people came out very impressed, and said that it would revolutionize the world. there was a lot of speculation about what IT could be. then, finally, dean kamen announces that IT is the segway. which.. as conspiracy theorists like to say, is bullshit.
so people are saying kamen is lying... that the REAL IT has not yet been released.
"Let's be honest: Segway is a disappointment. After enduring months of outrageous speculation, the American public expected the "Ginger/It" mystery machine to be nothing short of a personal teleportation device or a flying car. Instead, we got this goofy scooter for letter carriers.
Is this the scooter that Jeff Bezos went gaga over? Is this what insiders claimed would "change lives, cities, and ways of thinking"? Of course not. There must be more to the story, but what? The conspiracy theorists are already convinced, but where do you stand? Do you think Ginger is still waiting to be unveiled?" (from some website http://www.techtv.com/screensavers/opinion/story/0,24330,3396726,00.html)

just got back from san diego! i love spontaneous trips. =)
after classes from 3 - 7:30pm today, mike kim picked me up at school and i just hopped in and we were on our way down to ucsd. =) what a speed demon. we got there so quick. got to the cross just in time to catch everyone leaving the apsa officer meeting. then we went out to friday's and had dinner together. =) i miss everyone. now i'm tired. i hope mike has a very safe drive back up north... =/ i'm worrrying about u, buddy!

To brighten up your day with a laugh:

Teacher: Tommy, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Tommy: At the bottom, I guess.

- from TEACHERS: Jokes, Quotes, and Anecdotes 2003 Calendar (thanx roomie!) =)

for those of you who resume classes today, have a great first day of school! i'm looking forward to seeing my classmates again and to start gettin in gear. i've been feeling so lazy and unproductive. but.. i should watch what i ask for. in a couple week's time i'll be yearning for those easy-going winter break days past. but alas, time moves on and u gotta keep up. too bad my first class today isn't until 3pm... =/

new year, old feelings. was terribly nostalgic again last nite and watched apsa grad banquet video and sifted through pictures. i really should organize my pictures into albums... uh oh. do i hear another resolution coming on?

you know what, i do have resolutions:

- take better care of myself
- drink more water
- get out in the sun more
- be more active
- laugh and smile more
- keep the ppl in my life close to me
- not be so shy in certain situations... be more ballsy
- just be a better me!

how cliche is that. =) oh well, take it or leave it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone!!!

how long will it take YOU to remember to start writing "2003"? (it'll probably take me a few months)

this is going to be a wonderful year. =) i know it.
spent an interesting new year's eve in catalina island, in the company of my dear friend steve, with whom i went biking and rock skipping/smashing. =) the following day was quite something else. i don't think it would have been possible for the day to be any more beautiful than it was. perfect outdoor day, but we had to get up, clean the damn house, catch a quick meal, then hop on the ferry. what a ride. on the hour ride back we saw a grey whale, school of dolphins, and a seal (or sea lion, only caught the head). what are the chances of that?? and we happened to be sitting on the side of the boat with the best view to catch all this. =)

2003.. a year of new changes. is that redundant? isn't all change new? anyway... i have no expectations for 2003. i just know it is going to be quite a year, full of unsuspecting surprises. this is the year that i will begin student teaching. this will be the year that i BEGIN TEACHING. come september, i will be fulfilling my dream. big changes are gonna come my way. and i'm gonna harness these changes and make big changes happen for my students. i can't wait to see what this year has in store for me =) =) =) and tonite i'm watching The Lion King at the Pantages with a friend. =) my third musical to count.

tell me that it's not going to be a good year! i welcome 2003 with open arms....