UC regents = racist, sexist, classist.
ward connerly is an ass. click and read why
ah~ america...
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction
honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of
mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than
inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't
find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden.
Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right
before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass
destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons
that they planned to use in a war, then why
didn't they use any of those weapons when we went
to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to
know they had those weapons, so they chose to die
by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they
choose to die if they had all those big weapons
to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to
make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they
had any of those weapons our government said they
did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or
not they had those weapons. We had another good
reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass
destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator,
which is another good reason to invade another
country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes
it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own
people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a
good economic competitor, where millions of
people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make
U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited
for American corporate gain, it's a good country,
even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing
the government. People who criticized the
government in Iraq were sent to prison and
tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the
Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the
government in Cuba are sent to prison and
tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a g ood economic
competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our
government passed some laws that made it illegal
for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba until they stopped being Communists and
started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up
trade with Cuba, and started doing business with
them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of
religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about
China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power
through a military coup, so he's not really a
legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the
government of a countr y by force, instead of
holding free elections like we do in the United
States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by
a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah,
he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who
comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the
legitimate government of a nation is an
illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our
friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September
11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September
11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men? Fifteen
of them Saudi Arabians? hijacked four airplanes
and flew three of them into buildings, killing
over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did A fghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained,
under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics
who chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only
did they chop off people's heads and hands, but
they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the
Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they
did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and
heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads
and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but
not if they cut people's heads and hands off for
other reasons ?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off people's hands for
growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and
heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a
tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and
forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in
public, with death by stoning as the penalty for
women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in
public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional
Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi
women is a modest yet fashionable garment that
covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes
and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an
evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers
all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.
Q: It sounds like the sam e thing with a
different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi
Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers
on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he
was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen
repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in
the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil
Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union
broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they
have elections and capitalism like us. We call
them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are
now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our
friends for many years after they stopped being
Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're
also mad at the French and the Germans because
they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we
had to rename French fries and French toast to
Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another
country doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our
enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the
1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against
Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when h e gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran
at the time, we looked the other way, to show him
we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our
enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our
friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if
American corporations can profit by selling
weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which
means war is good for America. Also, since God is
on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a
godless un-American Communist. Do you understand
now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God
wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack
Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George
W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we
attacked Iraq because George
W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world
works. Now close your eyes, make yourself
comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.
(courtesy of shawn kim)
