today was the last day of GEAR UP. i'm sad i won't see my students anymore. i'm sad that i wasn't able to connect with them as much as i could have. only a month, and only about an hour a day per group. i imagine what i could do with them over a span of a year... we had a blast today at Gameworks. man, for a 3 hour game card u definitely get video-gamed out. i was all over the physical games: air hockey, shooting games (reloading shotguns), shooting b-balls, DDR... had my work out for the week. i'ma miss them kiddos... =(

that aside, my classroom is far from being done. i've a long way to go and only one day left to have it completely ready by first day of school. tuesday. the day i've been waiting seemingly forever for. i'm NOT gonna let it slip by. i need to get my ish together.

i'm stressed. i haven't been stressed in a long time. but now this feeling is one that is all too familiar. i'm a fairly easy-goin gal. it's hard to get me all.. AaaAhhHh~!! but i'm like that now. i feel like i have to take care of this and that and this over here and there.... professional development has been good the past two days. i'm glad i've gotten to know my colleagues so much better. but at the same time i'm missing out on gear up in its last week. i feel like a bad teacher. my classroom still has far more to go. it is NOT coming together. it just seems to continue to fall apart. i feel like it will never be ready for the first day of school, which is FAST approaching. my classroom looks like a major casualty of a disaster. no matter how long i work in my classroom, i feel like i've made barely any progress.. when really i've made a LOT of progress. unfortunately i'm missing a lot of equipment and whatnot. and i've got a mass of ants, silverfish, some cockroaches and dead moths lying around. it's really lovely, considering how terribly freaked out i am of insects. *sigh* i know other classrooms have got it worse. i do have some good stuff in my room though, i must admit. great learning tools and whatnot. =) i'll be alright.

it's strange to think that my first day as a real public school teacher will begin THIS TUESDAY. strange because i've been waiting a damn long time for this day. 5 long years. watching countless teachers be hurtful to their students, all of which angers and frustrates me further. all of it i make a mental note never to do. i vow to bide my by philosophy and hold true to it as much as possible. i am going to be a different kind of teacher. but while it seems that i've waited much too long for this day to come, i feel it is approaching much too fast. i mean... TUESDAY?? i dont' even have the right kinds of desks, number of desks and chairs, or decorations up in my classroom. ahhh~!!!

and on top of all this there is a series of bad ish that keeps happening to me, namely my car. busted radiator which cost me 200 bux. my axel is messed up. and yesterday i realized my tire looked so flat cuz it WAS. found a nice big screw chillin in my tire. that'll cost me another pretty penny. freakin cars are so much TROUBLE!~!!! and my body is starting to work against me. my nose keeps bleeding. i only hope that my body keeps itself together for the first crucial weeks of school. i have so many thoughts, worries, questions....

these are but a few of the plagues of a first year teacher. welcome. help.

ONE WEEK LEFT til i begin my new career as an elementary school educator! i've been waiting a LONG time for this day. i have too much at stake to let my first day be unprepared. i'm going to be dynamic and different. my classroom is going to be the bomb. it'll be multicultural and reflect the lives of my students and myself. i'm feeling a little overwhelmed because the classroom that i got has all this ish in the cabinets and all over the room. i've done a LOT of cleaning out, but i still have a lot more to go. just a few more days to work on it. this week will be crazy. need to work on my classroom and go to staff development days, but i also still have my middle school GEAR-UP program to teach. it's their last week and they've got awesome presentations to show off. =) they need me too. i'll have to keep my head straight this week to keep sane and not freak out. let's see how it goes...

the gear-up program is halfway over. these last two weeks are going to be hectic at best, as i will begin to set up my new classroom at 99th street! =) my very own classroom. i've waited quite some time for this day. simultaneously, i have a conference this week, and staff development next week. MY VERY OWN CLASS!!!! anyone who wants to come volunteer and witness a new teacher's first day of school, this would be your prime opportunity. i wish i were able to see the first few days of school, as they are very crucial. the other particularly interesting thing is that 1st grade is a huge transition from kinder. number one, they stay all day instead of half days (most schools). number two, they no longer play in their own play areas, they play on the main playground with the big kids. O_O and many of them will cry for their mommies/caregivers. =( i hope my class is fun for them.

a couple of things...

several nites ago, benji and i were taking a walk around his neighborhood (Palms) around 9:30, 10pm. we were just taking a stroll talking about graduate school and whatnot (pros and cons of his going into a PhD program). out of the shadows and from behind us came up this guy who robbed us at gunpoint. he wanted some quick easy cash, but neither of us had any on us. my pants had no pockets, and benji only had his keys and phone. so the dood made off with his phone. it was partially our bad because we weren't really being careful about where we were walking. the other side of the street was well-lit. the side we took had this huge tree, which is where we got robbed. while i was really shaken up by this incident, it wasn't the first time that we've been held at gunpoint before. granted that we've been slightly hypersensitive and paranoid (at least i am) when i have to walk alone at nite, we'll be alright. thanx to all u who have been very encouraging and supportive. =) just be careful yourselves.

my first week of teaching middle school math is behind me now. i am having a great deal of fun with these students. =) they're still like the young ones, but also mature enough so that u can talk to them like adults, and joke with them like adults. i find myself talking to them as i would my peers (when i facilitate workshops, when i was university TA, etc.), but i also find myself sometimes using the phrases and tone of voice with my elementary school students, but only when i have to. (example, "i'll wait..." until they settle down so that i don't have to fight over their voices). i've also gotten a lot of comments about my age. of the other teachers, i'm the youngest, by quite a significant number of years. people that don't know me keep asking me if i'm one of the TA's, or would look at me like, "you're the teacher?" i expect i might get such comments and reactions throughout the next year, and beyond. =) it's cool, i'm sure many of my other fellow teachers are getting similar reactions.

this weekend was crazy full of Bamboo Lane events. they were successful and educational. =) time-consuming, but worth it. the next thing is... what now? there is a very close possibility that the organization will be splitting off for reasons of internal clashes (vision, goal, direction). we'll see what comes of it...

my new roomies rock. =) our place is coming along... we had our own lil mini-celebration with a lil bit of wine last nite. i anticipate a really fulfilling year with both of them, complete with long discussions and inspirational talks. =)

first day of instruction. GEAR-UP summer program. two periods of about fifteen 7th & 8th graders in each. i was nervous, but i tried to hide it. it was my first time being an instructor for middle school grades. i've tutored, TA'd, and RA'd before, but never been their teacher. it's weird to have students their age call me Ms. Lee when i'm so used to the older students just call me by my first name. but yeah, i'm happy with how the first day went. =) we'll see how i fare the rest of the week... and month. we'll see~!!

i'm all moved in. new beginning...