well going to a big party on my own, where i don't know many people, was new. i'm glad i did it. i'm getting bolder! last nite i went to a pretty cool block party with some good peoples. funny thing is that it ended up with police coming over. we didn't end the party but had to tone it down, not that it was crazy anyway. kinda funny, bunch of older 20-somethings to 30s having a regular party. geez. from the party i had a lot of interesting thoughts and questions. it's good to think new things! i'm just itching to find the answers to some of my questions though. i think then i will be able to find more peace with myself...

i like being ok. =) every once in a while though i get in kind of a weird mellow mood. but most of the times i'm doing great! my kids of course make it all worthwhile. i took 6 of them out to the pow wow in east la college. enjoyed watching native american dances, eating navajo frybread, supporting different organizations and groups by buying CDs, t-shirts, books... got myself a tan too. i was good this time though! actually put on sunblock. good janet.

anyway, something is happening to me cuz now i'm starting to write poetry again. trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings. i started to just free flow journaling, stream of consciousness style, and in the midst of it two poems just busted out. too personal to publish, sorry whoever might be reading this. makes me feel good to see on paper (er, screen) what i've been feeling but haven't said. i think some of it is just bitterness, though. ah, it's part of the process...